Waiting for the tides to change - 3

[BFloat]

have been off the boards for a couple of days because my gf was in town. she was supposed to be here until tomorrow evening but had to leave suddenly. was going to try and post earlier today (when everything was ok).. i didn't get a chance to and know when i do.. everything has gone decidedly downhill! ugh. i'm so aggravated!

well.. heard from H on both tues and wed which is unusual as he hasn't been contacting me really for a long while. i really didn't expect to hear from him so soon also because he just had the kids over the weekend. anyway, weird interaction.. i sent H a photo of kids yesterday (we had been txting about making appt w/ lawyer for bank paperwork) to which he said D looked like me in that photo. i replied, hopefully that's a good thing. H said, he meant it as a good thing and i just said thanks. didn't hear from him after that. wasn't surprised because i figured he was retreating about 5 steps back from that 1 step forward of being positive towards me.

i wrote H an email last night asking if he could take S to school next tues since i had to work in the am (usually i trade off for nights but couldn't for this shift due to my injury) and i would pick up S from school. i started email by saying.. i hate to ask you but.. in email i also asked if i could keep kids one of the fridays in march because it is family movie night and wanted to take the kids (i asked because it would be his weekend w/ them). last thing i said was that their was lego exhibit showing and could he take kids (because S is obsessed and would love it) otherwise i would make a plan to take them (quite expensive to go and H has pass for free admission from his work for himself and guest).

his response upset me so much!! H said he was sorry that i hated to ask him (favours) and wanted me to know that he would always help. wanted to discuss later on about taking S to school regularly. was fine w/ me taking kids to movie night but would i mind if he came (because he knew i was still in a dark place when it comes to us) but he wanted to be there for the kids. as for the lego exhibit.. happy to take them and again, if i wanted to come along, there was no reason we can't all go together. he ended email by saying he wanted to be as empathetic as possible.

i am so mad!!! why couldn't he have taken more responsibility in things like taking S to school when he was here? it was always.. i can never guarantee if i'll get off work on time etc. also.. one of his complaints was he felt obligated to come home sometimes because there were days when he wanted to go out after work. what the heck?? as for my "dark place" what the heck would he know about it?? we haven't had a real conversation in a very long time. and i'm so upset because it isn't about him and i.. it's about my kids. and.. gee thanks.. if i want to come along to lego exhibit... i don't know what he expects from me? i am beyond frustrated.

ranting. composing my response right now. ugh!!