By the time my H talked to me he already was 'gone'. He had re-met the ow 2 weeks before and he'd made up his mind. He told me he'd just realized how unhappy he was during the previous 3 months. Next thing I knew he was telling me he'd been unhappy for years.
Snodderly is right, so many of H's excuses and justifications for what he'd done were irrational. They weren't consistent with the man I had been married to for 27+ years. It was not just I who had noticed. Family, friends and acquaintances said the same thing. Who is this guy?
The strange thing about all this is that H isn't any happier now, and maybe even less happy than when we were together. Will he ever connect the dots? Who knows? His miserable life according to something he said a year ago, is still all my fault. Maybe some day he'll deal with the issues that are truly causing his unhappiness.
Punkin, none of our marriages were perfect, but I truly doubt that people who seek out boards of this nature trying to find ways to save their marriages ever deserved what happened to our Rs. People that don't love and care deeply for their spouses don't bother trying to find answers. Don't care about recognizing and owning their part in the breakdown and certainly don't go about trying to fix those things they don't like about themselves.
I made some serious self realizations about me and my shortcomings. Some of those things are fixed and some are still a work in progress. I strive to be the best me I can be everyday. Some days I fall short. I am human and I've forgiven myself. In doing so, I've forgiven H. I truly hope he finds what he desperately seeks.
Punkin, as Snodderly said, you did the best you could with what you had to work with. You did nothing to your H out of malice or harm, but out of love and concern. Forgive yourself...
