I appreciate the words and thoughts. It is just so confusing about where the line is drawn between "taking responsibility for your actions" "being totally honest and fair" & being a total and undeniable putz. Yes, I suppose I am still grieving, although if anyone had told me I would still be grieving after 2 full years, I would have said they were nuts. I have done the math in my mind. The longest I ever spent "grieving" after a relationship was about 9 months.
To answer your question, I don't know why I feel guilty. My close friends, family, and even my children would say that I don't. Only here do I, shall we say, spew my deepest thoughts. I guess I was just raised to take responsibility for myself. If I f**ked it up, I owned up to it. No one has owned up to this cluster, so I guess I am trying to be the mature one and take the blame, at least insofar as I am responsible. I JUST CAN'T figure out what and where that is! The not knowing keeps me from moving past it.
I suppose I am looking for a confessor, to which I can take these sins, admit them, and leave them. By the way, I'm Methodist, not Catholic! I've even wondered if hypnotism could just erase his memory from my mind, is that not idiotic?
