Punkin, I responded to your posting over on Seeking's thread.
Unless you can see into the future, read minds, read tea leaves, or have a crystal ball, then you couldn't see this situation coming. None of us could...we didn't/or still don't know what happened to them in their early childhood years. We aren't the ones that didn't take the time to validate their thoughts and feelings. We are not the ones that shot them down and gave them heck when they did something wrong as children.
Quite frankly, IMHO, you are not responsible for the hell that he's put you through. Yes, we are responsible for 50% of what goes on in the marriage, but none of us signed up for what happened to them as children and had we known what to expect, I imagine we would have run the other way or had been better prepared for the fall out. You did the best you could, you were a good wife, companion and best friend to the man. What more could he have asked for?
So, my question to you is this...why are you feeling guilty? I think you do love your xh, but also the memory of the man he once was. When I use to feel the way that you do now, I would look at the bigger picture and I soon stopped feeling guilty about the situation. Why? Because I knew that I had done everything that I could humanly do to make this marriage work and make him happy and proud of his marriage. Unfortunately, what transpired long before I came on the scene had really screwed him over...I knew I could not fix what I didn't break.
Punkin, give yourself some time...you are still going through the grieving process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
