Specifics, please! Can't afford telephone consult!

[mishka422]

I would love to get together but I can't for the next week. My FIL is in town visiting for the first time in 11 years...yike. I'm a basket case. He arrives tonight and he and I don't exactly have the warm fuzzies for each other. *sigh*

You know, sometimes it's hard to focus on ourselves when we are hurting, but that is exactly what you have to do.

Do you realize that putting everyone in your family before yourself is a codependent behavior? Yeah, I didn't either. I always that it was being a good wife and mother. NOPE. Doing that, even though you are involved in activities, makes your true self disappear. That is the person our spouses fell in love with. You need to find that person again.

You and your H sound a lot like me and mine in the respect of getting M'd really young. There is good and bad in getting married that early. Yes, you are in love and full of energy and gung ho to start your life. The drawback is that you haven't truly formed your own identity yet and you find ways to morph yourself into an image of what you think your spouse likes. It's not even a matter of conscious change, it's a lack of maturity that causes you to gradually shift yourself.

Step back from everything and take a close look at what you are doing.

1)Do you do the volunteer work at your church strictly because it makes you feel good and feel like you are contributing? If so, keep doing it. If you can be honest with yourself and you find that even a small reason you are doing it is because of how it makes you appear in other people's eyes....STOP...NOW.

2)Do you make time in your schedule to specifically do something you enjoy? Do you do crafts? Do you like to dance? What about exercise? Take a class? What makes you uniquely you? If you can't answer that, it's time to find out.

3)This part can be scary. Where do you see yourself being in 1 year? We aren't going out to 5 years, that is a ridiculous thing especially when your life is in upheaval. Just think 1 year out. Where do you want to be? What will you be doing? Not involving your M, take that out of the equation. What will YOU be doing?

Think these things through and let us know what you come up with.


We will definitely set up a time to meet! I'm always excited to make new friends!