The reason I take particular offense to the nature of my W’s affair, is because although I made other mistakes I was 100% faithful during our marriage. I made my missteps in our dating days, as I was seemingly going through a MLC myself, still flailing about at the tail end of the separation of my first marriage/divorce. My W and I had an agreement that all was forgiven and we were starting with a clean slate during our engagement/marriage. I did a total 180 and never gave any other women a second look during this time, not once.
I know that I pushed my wife away with my drinking and associated verbal tirades, so in a way that is helping me get over the A issue. I honestly do feel that she owed me one, although that is a juvenile way to look at it. It is a very hurtful thing and now I know what I put my first wife through, and my current W during out dating days. I try to work on erasing the A from my mind every day.
During my 1st marriage I thought I was justified in what I did, because of the words that came out of my wife’s mouth. At the tailend of our sexless marriage where I tried what I thought should help us at that time (big surprise I was wrong), she said if I wanted sex to effectively go find some, so I did. That was incredibly stupid and selfish, but that is certainly me at times. I also wanted out of that marriage under any circumstances. As I said it should’nt help, but I left her with everything, so that is how I sleep at night.
You raise a good point in that regardless of what my end goal is, my behavior needs to be the same. If I worry about what or whom she’s doing it’s simply going to drive me crazy and accomplish nothing. That doesn’t change the fact it crosses my mind.
Thanks again for reading and providing your input and questions, they help me think a lot. Good luck to all in your respective sitch’s!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
