Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Broken74]

Thought for the day:
"Adversity has ever been considered the state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself."
--Samuel Johnson

Uuuuugh struggling today...

She contacted me yesterday re: car payment logistics, everything was short and sweet and business only.

Even though it was this way it was like ripping duct tape off an open wound. I had been doing well for the most part in keeping her off my mind now she is in the forefront again.

My gut feeling tells me she is probably talking to the OM or somebody else. I want to ask her flat out if she dating anybody, I think that is fair for me to know at this point. It would be an obvious no-no to ask her this question even though it's fair right, as it would be interpreted as controlling behavior? If she is dating other people that is an indicator to me that she has no thoughts of our reconciling at any point, although she will not really broach the topic of divorce. It honestly makes no sense. If she would say "I want a Divorce in August" then that would help me mentally close on all of this, but she won't say this or anything close to it.

So I continue to GAL and have little idle time which I guess is good. Have had the desire to drink on multiple occassions but haven't done so and won't. Maybe this marriage will be the opportunity cost of my sobriety, who knows.

All I know is that this has not been, nor will it continue to be fun in any way shape or form. Actually I guess some of the GAL freedom has been fun, but I would trade a night at home with my W and stepkids in a heartbeat for all of that.

At least it will be another day in the books, good luck to all in your respective sitch's!