As a general rule, I have basic trust in perfect strangers. I trust they're not going to spit on me, trust they're not going to steal my purse, trust they're not going to hit my car, or be mean to me for no reason. I trust that they'll respond if I greet them, smile if I smile, sometimes enjoy simple chat. Most of the time, my trust is well-founded, sometimes not. I don't instantly trust a stranger with the welfare of my son or to watch my purse while I go to the ladies room. That requires a lot more intimate familiarity with the person. Trust is built upon a history of proving to be trustworthy, as well as a more intimate knowledge of them personally. Very little trust is needed when purchasing batteries, other than trusting you'll get the correct change.
Quote:
What are you holding on to... that makes you not want to trust your H?
I think we've developed such an independent relationship that I don't even need to trust him. I can do most things myself, and it's almost easier than the asking/reminding/checking/fixing that I have to do with him.
Quote:
Ask him to take out the garbage. If he does so, will you trust him? What if you ask him a second time and he doesn't. Does that prove he cannot be trusted?
To me, that is what it means. That's only a 50% success rate. If it's something important, I can't risk that.
Quote:
Is your H NOT trustworthy? Was he EVER?
I thought so or I wouldn't have married him. But I've learned since that he has no boundaries (he acknowledges.) So even though he said all the right things before we got married, and I think even believed them, he just doesn't have the character/fortitude/foresight/backbone to follow through on what he said. At the same time, he has a way of completely distorting things in his own mind to make a square peg fit in a round hole. For example, we've always paid cash for our vehicles. We had discussions about not liking monthly car payments, not liking to owe that much, etc. So recently, H buys a new car and takes out a home equity loan to pay for it, because then it wasn't a monthly "car" payment. I don't think he's being manipulative or even passive aggressive. I really think it's just his inability to apply boundaries. No matter what he commits to today, tomorrow's situation will be "different" somehow so he doesn't have to meet his commitment.
Sadly, after re-reading my first paragraph, I think I trust perfect strangers more than I do him.
