Great idea to make a list of dealbreakers: --End the affair, no further contact.
--Agree to go to counseling. I also think we'd have to be able to establish realistic goals.
--Open records around credit cards, cell phone, etc.
The one I'm not sure about is work travel. He does now need to be in OW's city for his job...but, that will be very hard. However, I think quitting the job he loves and asking him to end the affair could be too much all at once.
Something does have to change with his job though, it's too demanding and takes away too much from the marriage and family.
Well, the good news is, that RIGHT NOW, you cano't need to demand ANYTHING, because he's not asking back into the marriage. You're not at that pivotal "What would it take for me to come back?" stage. When you ARE, though, I think the FIRST item on your list pretty much takes care of the LAST item. Either "no further contact with OW" is a dealbreaker for you or it isn't (it sounds like it is, and good for you!), and either HE will be serious about making you feel safe in the marriage, and restoring your trust, or he won't. When that time comes, HE will need to demonstrate to you that he can maintain his current job, and its duties, and still meet your "no contact" boundary.
