Don't know which way to turn...

[MrBond]

Change doesn't need to be painful. It's the struggle that's wearing you down. Once you attain true understanding of this, that's when your confidence will come back. Once your confidence comes back, all of the anxiety will lessen.

"I know when we get through this and she sees the real changes I've made (the GALs, the 180s, etc) then the pain and struggle will subside;"

Nope because when you're married to someone, your situations will change over the years. It will never stay constant. Rather than fighting the change (like a current), flow along with it and evolve.

See many couples who R find themselves right back on here because they only correct the things that were currently problems and not the bigger picture.