Oh, for crying out loud...what is wrong with me? Things seem as if they are slowly starting to look up, but no, that's not enough for me. I can't be patient and let things run their course. I have to go ahead and bring stuff up that bothers me. Ugh.
I told H that it bothered me that he is still friends with OW on FB. H told me to let it go and that there is nothing there.
I ask him how do I know for sure that nothing is there? And that I can't accept their "friendship" if things between us should get better.
I told him I was sorry that he values their "friendship" more than our marriage. H said that he does value our marriage, but I have hurt him more than I'll ever know. And that being friends on FB doesn't mean you're friends in real life. Why is it a big deal to unfriend her then? I don't want to see her fugly face if I happen to be on his FB page (BklynMom - I can already hear you tell me to get off FB!!!).
I told him that I understand he's hurt and that I'm owning up to it and will continue to do so. But I feel that he hasn't owned up to his actions. Maybe he will one day, maybe he won't.
I told him that I'd like for us to put the past behind us and work together to make things better, that I would help him get through his pain that I caused him. But I also need him to help me get through what I need to get through.
H again told me I had no right to feel a certain way when I was feeling stressed, to cope in a "different" way. He clearly still has a lot of anger and hurt built up.
FWIW, he said that he's noticed an improvement in me letting him parent our S4 (I don't think I really did anything...I think it's that he's actually been here and showed interest in S4).
H said that I can't expect H to do this on my terms. And that I know him - he needs to do it on his terms. The thing is that he really does need to talk to a C. He's got so many emotions built up over his lifetime that he can't cope with them alone. I hope that one day he'll realize that it's worth a try.
H said this morning that it's been a long time, but he actually missed me this past weekend.
Now that I've said too much and am playing with fire with what I bring up, I need to practice keeping my mouth shut and also not showing my emotions on my face. H can read me like a book.
Oh, and he did say this morning that he wants to take one day at a time. This is good. A couple of weeks ago he said that he didn't want to take one day at a time and needed to know right away whether we would work out, and that he "knew" we wouldn't.
