Regardless of what I call myself, I'm still not really 'No longer'.
I feel wounded/wretched, especially in the last few days.
I've been struggling to deal with a new bout of coldness and lack of cooperation from my H around kid stuff.
Just now he brought S13 back from school, but didn't even speak to me when he brought him to the door. Just turned away as I opened the door, walked away and got back into his car - he hadn't even turned the engine off - and drove.
This is a new form of behaviour for him. And there seems to be nothing that has precipitated it. So rude, so hurtful. So out-of-the-blue.
I was on the verge of texting him to ask what gives - why he won't even speak to me now... What have I done????
But that was the old me. This time I didn't. I'm trying to remember to let it roll off me; to let him work out his sh..t himself. And to get on with things. But it makes me so sad to be treated like this.
My mother said yesterday that it sounds like he is trying to 'break' me.
Seems a pretty apt description. I do feel broken by all this, but I'll never show him.
Thank goodness I can jump on here and look for sympathy!
And I'm still holding on to a vague hope that if he has to behave like this to me for no apparent reason - it might mean that he is actually in extreme pain and is suffering as much as I am.
Not that I'm saying that I hope he is suffering - just that I hope this might indicate that there is still a huge emotional connection there for him if he can't even speak to me when meets me at the door.
Compounding my sadness is the fact that there's a big 'pre-prom' party for girls, their dates and their parents scheduled for this Sat night - to which H and I are invited. It's a HUGE event for D16, and I am sick with worry that H will refuse to go.
What a time to decide that he can't even speak to me any more...
