Specifics, please! Can't afford telephone consult!

[mishka422]

No lock changing.....see above.
Female shark last name Wells.
Good idea on the consulting with Pat. I'll tell you though, he only got half the fees for my friend and it was an adultery case.
You definitely need to ask a L about the ramifications of removing yourself from the account before you agree to anything.
1100 a month plus vacation money?????? That is insane!

[ptcr]

Thanks my friend! Haven't heard anything today from him except "what are your travel plans?" as my plan was to come back as late as possible I am having a good time in Virginia. I think he was going to see OW before next trip on Saturday so why would I rush home because he is frustrated with hanging out with a child who doesn't like him right now. So says MC. Your thoughts? This is his reality and consequence of his decision.....

[mishka422]

LOL! Let him suffer with the angst ridden teenager who probably feels like clocking him right now!

So glad you're having a good time in VA. Are you up there by yourself or did someone join you?

Do yourself a favor, don't guess what he is doing or where he might be. It will only make you crazy. Maybe the more he goes and visits the tramp, the more he'll realize how much he is losing.....who knows. CRAZY!

Ok, so there is bipolar disorder in his family and he doesn't speak to his mother hardly at all? Hmmm....dysfuntional much?

IMO, stay gone as long as possible!

[2chiquitos]

With his alcoholic history (depression n bipolar n family upbringing) you would really get a lot out of going to al anon meetings. Go to as many as you can. What the heck, you can go to them every night. Sign up as a literature or treasurer. It will make you keep going. Awesome way to GAL and learn from rookies how to detach.

I wish you all the best!!

[mishka422]

Al anon is a wonderful program full of support and strategies. Definitely check it out .

[ptcr]

In Virginia at the lake with my dog, cat and an hour from loads of family....I grew up in a big, boisterous, happy family. Had lunch with aunt and cousin today, school lunches with neices tomorrow, birthday parties, basketball games, all kinds of fun stuff up here for me to do. Best treat is seeing S18 at UGA on the way home...he refuses to speak to his father and says he has lost a lot of respect for his Dad...so sad. Yes, dysfunction, alcoholism, bipolar and depression. Our C said he is "the MOST resistant" person she has EVER tried to treat. Sad. He just won't admit he has anything wrong because "depressed people don't run 10 miles" and other such silly remarks. Ego....this is all ego....praying for a miracle. Yes, S16 didn't want to go skiing and says he wants to punch his dad. He is at our house now though I told him not to come in. He is sleeping in S18's room. The boys HATE this but it is a compromise to keep S16 at home and not a friend's house and I guess I will have to live with it. Who knows, maybe better to remember what he HAS as opposed to what he DOES NOT down the street. I have been thinking today about what he said during any counseling....I think I took all responsibility and probably ended up controlling him with all my best intentions to manage our life. He also said to MC that he remembered vividly when we broke up in college junior year (which I do NOT) and also to IC about when i rejected him in high school. Obviously pursuer/pursued thing is in the forefront of his mind...so I will continue to go dark and mysterious. This time away from our home has given me some objectivity for which I am very grateful. I have internet at the lake, obviously, and I have been scouring the boards and it is all starting to sink in. Thanks for advice on Alanon. Also, mishka, thanks for reminder of not wondering/spying on what he is doing. I get wrapped around my L's comments about more egregious his behavior the better for me. What did your BF's D from Pat cost? I heard $60,000 for a recent messy pilot case. Whoa...

[labug]

Not trying to be controlling but...

If you could break you posts into short paragraphs, they would be so much easier to read.

Detach, detach, detach.

[mishka422]

I know hers was approx $15,000 but she and her xh managed to work out the major points on their own and have him fine tune for them. He was an army officer so there was a lit if sweeping under the rug to keep from military discipline.

$60k is awful!!!! I don't make that in two years!

Enjoy your family. I'm from a big, loud family too. We are all super close and they saved me.

[ptcr]

Friends, I feel settled and then I freak out.

Hubby and S16 home from ski trip. Talk to S16 and he said his Dad texting the whole time and he read a text from the OW saying "OMG I miss you so much!!!" Why is he such a self centered jerk that my sweet child has to read that.

So, they get home and S16 goes off to sleep over and hubby hauls off the his rented room. He IS NASTY and I think he picked up his GF earlier.

Detach, detach, detach. I know...but is this normal behavior? I know it is MLC stuff but do I just sit by and watch? S16 left to roam around our town while Dad is doing who knows what.

This is the fine print I don't understand how to detach from this. I get it intellectually. They leave and they leave to "explore" the other side, the fraternity lifestyle they left behind, etc...

So, turn a blind eye to this? Don't get upset? I know that is what you are going to say. Am I wrong to be upset. He has shown such poor parenting already this trip and this seems to take the cake. I won't be home for 2 more days.

Thanks y'all

[labug]

Detach, detach, detach. I know...but is this normal behavior? I know it is MLC stuff but do I just sit by and watch? S16 left to roam around our town while Dad is doing who knows what.

What else can you do? Actually, I would say don't even watch-stay as far away as you can and allow him to spin.

As far as you kids are concerned, you aren't responsible for your H's relationship with his children. If he screws it up, he screws is up. It's so hard to see our children hurt, especially by those who are supposed to love them the most.

But you can control only yourself so you can either spin out of control by being caught in his orbit or you can move out of range and be the stable parent for your kids. Watch them for signs of depression and get them help if needed. Yes, they're no longer little impressionable kids but this sh!t throws them off balance.

Thanks for breaking your post up, much easier to read!