Living in the trenches....Thread #5

[MrBond]

"The talk went on for awhile…I told her a lot of stuff: I don’t understand what we’re doing here. I have been giving her tons of space and it doesn’t seem to be helping anything. I don’t ask her for hardly anything. I have spent nearly the last 3 years (from the moment I found out how upset she was in May 2009) completely devoted to being a better husband, and nothing has gotten better. I don’t understand why she refuses to be happy and accept what she has here."

Was it you just talking or did she actually talk back. I don't mean her repeating how much you hurt her, etc. But actually talk to you?

"She did mention she’s gone from abuse to abuse to abuse and never stood up for herself. She mentioned that I hurt her more than anyone else. "

At this point you should have held up your hand and told her to stop. That you have tried your hardest to address those issues, but you're not a mind reader, so unless she actually says what is wrong when it happens, you're not going to know. Then tell her to be honest and that she hasn't been a 'saint' also in the past and that you've had to hold in alot. The only way for the cycle to stop is when both of you acknowledge these things and actually stop the blame and start taking responsibility for things.