Living in the trenches....Thread #5

[Navyguy]

Thanks everyone. The general consensus seems to be that I need to start showing my discontent with the situation, so that's what I'm trying....slowly and gently. I don't know if I'm doing this right...so if I need a 2x4, swing away.

W had planned to go see her friend in Ohio over the weekend, but the friend's dad is really sick so she cancelled on her.

I spent most of the weekend giving W "space". I spent most of the day on Saturday out of the house. I took S3 to his swimming lesson in the morning, then spent most of the afternoon outside changing the oil in our cars. Then I went out to pick up some stuff from the store, and when I got home I discovered that someone had hit the back corner of my brand new car. Nice.

W had planned a girls night out that night, so I stayed at home with the kids. When W got home the kids were in bed and I was watching a movie downstairs. W came down and sat on the bed and watched the movie. Then I went to bed upstairs...she stayed downstairs, as she had been the past couple weeks.

Sunday I got up and made pancakes. I took them down to W in bed. As soon as she saw me bringing it down she said "you didn't need to bring me breakfast". I told her I know that, but I wanted to. She ended up not eating them. Then I took the kids out shopping for about 3 hours. When I got back, D6 had been asking me to go to the driving range and she wanted our whole family to go. I told W about this and to my surprise, she agreed to go. We had a pretty good time, but after awhile it was getting pretty cold and W's attitude was going downhill fast. When we got home, I took a short nap and then I had my soccer game. When I got home from soccer, W was already downstairs in bed, reading her book. She was done with her work for the week (she got it done in record time, since she had been planning to go to Ohio for the weekend) so she was trying to "get ahead".

This really bothered me...usually she spends just about every waking moment working on school. She finally had some down time where we could have hung out or something, and she chose to work on school more. I didn't say anything about it, but just went up to bed.

On to yesterday. We had a lazy morning, and the kids were getting stir-crazy so I decided to take them swimming. W decided to stay home and work on school. I took them swimming for 3 ½ hours, we had a great time. Then we all went out to dinner. S3 was so cute, he climbed up into the booth and slept the entire time we were there. It was a ok dinner….W even talked to me about stuff a couple times. Then we went home and got the kids in bed. D6 wanted to cuddle with W and I, so we all laid in our bed. W got up a few minutes after D6 fell asleep, and I fell asleep for about an hour or so. When I woke up I noticed W was gone, and went and saw she was downstairs again. So, I went and asked her why she was sleeping downstairs again. She told me that she doesn’t want to feel like she’s being forced to sleep upstairs….and (again) that we’re not in a great place. Then told me the only reason she came upstairs over the past few months was because we had company and she didn’t like D6 telling them that mommy sleeps downstairs when D6 was giving tours of our house. So I told her that it really hurts to know that my W sleeps downstairs, and she got up and picked up her pillow and said “fine I’ll go sleep upstairs”. I tried telling her that nobody is forcing her to do anything…and I certainly don’t want more resentment.

The talk went on for awhile…I told her a lot of stuff: I don’t understand what we’re doing here. I have been giving her tons of space and it doesn’t seem to be helping anything. I don’t ask her for hardly anything. I have spent nearly the last 3 years (from the moment I found out how upset she was in May 2009) completely devoted to being a better husband, and nothing has gotten better. I don’t understand why she refuses to be happy and accept what she has here. She was the last person on earth I ever wanted to hurt. This isn’t about me…this is about her being happy. I chose to fight and try to make things right instead of taking the easy way out because I love her and always have.

She didn’t say much. She did mention she’s gone from abuse to abuse to abuse and never stood up for herself. She mentioned that I hurt her more than anyone else.

Eventually I ran out of things to say, and we went to bed. (both in our bed).

No idea what awaits me when I get home tonight. She’s going out with a friend to go dress shopping for an upcoming military ball. I’ll be home with our kids. We’ll see how things go.