37 year old virgin!

[lea74]

Thanks CTH - that is really insightful.

[lea74]

KML - your advise is invaluable. You have hit is spot on. Promise no more texting - dont want to be slapped. LOL!!

[lea74]

Hey gabbysmom23, I agree. I think perhaps some people do feel that single moms are desperate and will just take anything. Well not this mama!!

[SunFunOne]

Lea: You sound much stronger today. Good for you! His behaviour was immature and inappropriate - you can do much better!

Barb

[lea74]

Thanks - I feel better. In fact I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders as I have been obssessing about it for the past few weeks. I kept questioning my actions etc etc etc.

Been thinking about the dating and have realised that I feel a little insecure, because afterall I was rejected by someone I was with for 22 years. Almost quite literally my other half. And towards the end of our marriage my xH treated me really badly. (well they generally do when going through a D). To be fair my xH wasnt always a sh**t but he certainly became and justified his reason for having an A by telling me repeatedly I was a horrible wife. In fact the OW (who is now his W) also told me I was a terrible wife to my face. (Ironic considering she left her H for my H - so not sure of her standard for good wife)

Anyway being the people pleaser I actually believed xH about being a cr**py wife. I have for the past two years blamed myself but came to the conclusion a few months back that I was a fantastic wife. I put up with a lot of nonsense from him and tolerated his childishness - something I didnt realise at the time.

The bottom line is I was a fantastic wife, he was a rubbish husband.

I think that this 'light bulb' moment will certainly help me with future dating prospects. Nothing less then the best for me!

[kml]

I feel a little insecure, because afterall I was rejected by someone I was with for 22 years. Almost quite literally my other half. And towards the end of our marriage my xH treated me really badly. (well they generally do when going through a D)

Yes, they have to justify their leaving somehow, so they often find almost ridiculous things to complain about (my ex said I "walked too heavy" - oh, and I taught my daughter to walk too heavy!!! lol).

I was with my ex for 26 years. One of the delightful things about dating in midlife, has been finding that most men seem to appreciate those things about me that ex complained about. Those few extra pounds that ended up on my hips and in my bra? (Which ex complained about - I wasn't skinny enough for him even when I was underweight at 125 lbs and 5'6") I've found many men ADORE my curvy figure the way it is now - even very handsome younger men.

Once you get out there and meet some nice men, you'll probably be amazed at what you were putting up with from your ex at the end there.

As for this:

In fact the OW (who is now his W) also told me I was a terrible wife to my face.

Remember, she is basing this on the LIES HE TOLD HER, and using it to justify her own poor behavior. Have no doubt, her turn will come.

[lea74]

Thanks so much KML, you have made my day!!

Even though it didnt work out with the coach I was very flattered by the attention and the fact that there were other single ladies to choose from and he chose me. (and he is cute!!)

I totally agree, I think that I will in time realise that I put up with far too much from my xH.

Walk too heavy????? What is that. I have never heard of that one before.

[kat727]

Correct me if I am wrong, but walking heavy is when one can literally feel you walking across the floor. My Dad used to got on us for that when we were kids and so I walk lightly. You really can tell the difference!

kat

[kml]

Lol - well, we had wooden floors on a post-and-pier raised foundation, so even the CAT made noise on those floors. None of my friends think I walk unusually "heavy". And if I DID - and my daughter did too - wouldn't you think it was GENETIC???

[lea74]

Seriously KML what a riduculous thing to say to you - you walk too hard. However like you said they do find the most riduculouse things to justify their actions.

Well I have definitely put the coach behind. I kinda was hoping he wasnt a sleeze bag but my gut instinct from the beginning was that he is a player and I would have just been a notch on his belt so as to speak. I am really glad not to have gone there.

As I only have been with my xH I kinda next the time to matter and it to be with someone who actually cares about me. Like I said I feel like a 37 year old virgin. (Just with stretch marks from having two kids, wrinkles and droopy breasticles!! - LOL!)