My advice, take it for what's it's worth, is to lay low for a little while. Let him savor how it felt to have his family with him and find out how hard it is when you go and have no daily contact.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
^^^^ exactly what I intend to do, Mish, I feel as though I shocked him a bit by actually coming and not discussing he and I at all, only listened to him about his work and his life, I cut it short for the drive home is 2 hours and wanted to be home before too late... he called to make sure we got home safely, which honestly is more than he has done in months.... now i go quiet...right?
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
Honestly, what worked best for me (an my sanity) was less contact. Some people said I was being avoidant but it was more about preserving my sanity. The less contact I had with him the more it seemed to draw him in. I would have zero contact for a week or two and then he would appear somewhere that he knew I was going to be. He always tried to play it off like it was a coincidence but I was pretty sure he was full of it!
Honestly though, my situation is totally not the norm here. He didn't come back begging me to take him back or even admitting he made a mistake....at first. He has never officially asked me to take him back, never has said he even considers our R anything other than a living arrangement, yet we are having a better R all around than we did when we were M'd. He did finally tell me that he made a huge mistake and f'd everything up. I simply said, "Yes, you did." and left it at that.
The distance helped me to re-prioritize my life and find ways to move forward without him. My strength became like candy to him in the long run.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
so mish, less contact? that part i get, h and i dont live in the same city anymore, so its not terribly difficult to not talk.. but looking back on the past several months we really havent spoken.. he drops the d bomb everytime the conversation gets heated but withdraws when i go dark... it seems more like we are both just standing still... no movement either direction. does that make sense?
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
So, quick update, h came to town to take d to dinner and a movie, when he brought her back he gave me a hug, and when he left he said "love you guys.." now today sent me a random text of hello and hope my day goes well, and to send his love to the kids.. not sure how to take this or if I should even respond?? i have been pretty quiet lately however i have never not responded... any advise?
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
well the nice texts turned for no reason to cussing and complaining about how much he hates his job and where he lives, I really didnt know what to say so I left it at im sorry.. its been a roller coaster few days, friday was nice saturday was when they turned not so nice..(with little response from me...) then Monday was he needed to see D, because she is the only thing that cheers him up. Whatever... I cant keep up, he uses the term depressed and in a funk, but in no way relates it to our separation...
I have come to the conclusion this is just normal for him...
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
