Well, H is back from Vegas. He’s very sick, and I’m working on being “Nurse Ronnie”. He thanked me this morning on his way out for the medicine and sick foods that I got yesterday. But I’m definitely feeling the distance. Had me a good cry about it this morning, but I’m okay now.
For some reason, I feel like I’m starting the whole DBing thing over again. I know he’s noticing the changes in me, even if he hasn’t said anything. But every time he comes back from out of town, it’s like the alien invasion all over again.
I feel SO good about the changes. I’m no longer a big complainer. I’m not sweating the small stuff. And for once, I don’t feel like I’m walking on egg shells around him. This is the new me. It’s becoming more natural. I’m enjoying laughing again. Laughing FOR REAL that is.
But…I’m also thinking that with the pressure off him to hide the OW, he’s feeling freer to continue. Which makes me think he’s nowhere close to ending it with her. So now, I feel like I’m just treading water, waiting for the other shoe to drop – he’s moving out. He hasn’t mentioned it, and neither have I. And unless he has money hidden somewhere (that will be a miracle!), he doesn’t have any money to move out. At least not until we get our taxes done, which I’m not in a hurry to do because I will owe money, and he probably will too. He hasn’t asked about getting them done since a few weeks ago. I really hadn’t planned on filing until April since I’m going to owe.
I started reading DR again yesterday. (Is it in ebook form yet? I couldn’t find it on my Nook Color, and it would be so much easier to read it there, than trying to hide the book from H.)
So my goals for this week are:
1. GAL – Go to Curves & Kickboxing (this depends on how much I’ll need to play nursemaid. I can work out at home if need be) 2. Go to Bible Study on Wednesday. 3. Act as if – try to keep the crying to a minimum, and don’t ask ANYTHING about OW. (I was getting so good at this. Now it’s like I can’t stop. Hence, starting over) 4. Buy new clothes this weekend, including new undergarments.
One of my friends sent me an email while I was out of the office on Friday. She said she was cleaning her email and came across this beautiful picture. I scroll down and it’s a picture of H and I at our wedding reception. We are both smiling and look so in love. I resisted the urge to send it to H with the caption – Remember? :-(
