I had a (kinda) revelation while talking to my friend tonight..... H has been angry since I came back. He doesn't have OW to talk to anymore- so he's probably mourning that loss (in some twisted way) so that could be underlying his irritations.... but BIGGER than that.... It's been said often on here that OW/OM are *symptoms* not *causes* of MLC... and they also serve as a distraction from dealing with their issues, right? SO..... is it possible that H is angry b/c he has no distraction to keep his focus away from *his* issues? Now that OW is no longer available to talk to and hang out with, H only has time to look at our R and himself. What I hope he sees is this:
Nights like tonight make me wish I had a DB friend to call. You guys always have the right things to say.
#1 yes. The affair is a symptom of the disease. I compare it to alcoholism and all the symptoms associated w it, lying, hiding the addiction etc. There's an analogy I read, if a friend cancels because they got the flu, would you be angry w the flu? Heres the link http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/pdf/B22_11.pdf
#2 I feel the same way! I wish there was a DB phone list! Especially for times when WAS step out and we r left in pieces. I HATE that feeling.
My ex was a total ass a few months ago. He was in complete denial. Recently he is very much himself. Mind you, he sees a therapist (not on a regular basis). That time was so hard for me because I couldnt read him. He was a completely different person. When we touch on it now, he says he didn't even recognize himself. Goes to show u that they're just as confused as we are!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
