WHG: And Alice goes down the rabbit hole...

[workinghardguy]

Doing better in increments... still suxx a lot but adjusting.

To catch things up... (and soften the 2x4 that I'm sure someone is going to want to deliver) the weekend was good. Took S to a waterpark resort and had a lot of fun. He was one tired boy every night And having just him I was free to do more. We hit the buffet, the craft room, the toy store, and of course the waterpark. I had originally set a goal of not thinking about W moving out at all while with my S. That turned out to be unrealistic. So I settled for working hard to be in the present and going with the flow. It worked... I found myself sad and crying a few times, but very limited. The drive home Sunday though was tough.

Sunday was hard. Came home to a empty house and lots of missing stuff. SD's room was completely empty which was crushing. W stopped by and picked up S. SS and SD asked to come inside and give me a hug and say hi so we all hung out for a little bit. Then they left and I was really, really crushed. Cleaned a little, surfed the net, cried a lot and went to bed.

This morning I got up and couldn't start my car... so I walked over to S's school to surprise him. That didn't work out quite as hoped because I hadn't packed S's hat and gloves so W called and so forth. Anyway, that got worked out and I had breakfast with S at school and then volunteered in his classroom for most of the morning. That was a lot of fun and S loves it.

Now we're progressing towards the 2x4 part... I know, go dark. I suck at it so far. W called and wanted to stop at the house. She still has some stuff here and wanted to clean up from the aftermath of the move. I was halfway to the gas station (car wouldn't start as it was out of gas... first time that's ever happened to me... guess my head's not quite in the game). She offered to come pick me up. I told her no and that I was fine. She came anyway (we're a small town... there's only two gas stations and one was burned down last month). So I got in and she ran me back.

(Nope.. not at 2x4 land yet). Now... a few weeks back W asked if I would install a new faucet and ceiling fan in her rental house if she bought them. I said yes. Why? I have no idea. But I did so when she asked me again I felt obligated to follow-through. Again, did I have to? No. I'm a sucker, I'll admit it.

So I spent the afternoon over at her house, with her, installing the faucet and ceiling fan. As has been the story things were fine. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed each other. We got finished just in time for S to go to wrestling so I took him. Got back with him and W asked if I wanted to have dinner with them. I said sure. Then by the time dinner was done it was bedtime for S and SD, so W asked if I wanted to stick around and tuck them in. Again I said yes.

So that's where I quite sure I erred. I really don't need to be over there doing that. I had committed to it, and lord knows it doesn't create mystery. There were odd moments too. At one point I was really wrestling with the fan install and she came and helped. We got done and I put my hand out (for the screwdriver) and she put her hand in mind and we held hands for a little bit. Then she posted this on my Facebook wall (so everyone can see it if they look):

Thank you soooo much for the work you did today. We're thankful to have you! It means the world to us! <me>-1 ceiling fan-0....ceiling fan blades may have a point on you though;)

There was even some sexual/suggestive inside jokes from her and back and forth. Then she launched into how absolutely horrible the weekend was with her crappy landlord, no one showing up to help with the move other than her stepdad, and all the money it takes to set things up in a new house. After I sang songs to SD and S, I took off.

So yes... that's the opposite of going dark, I know. I need to go dark, but I guess that will need to start tomorrow because today certainly wasn't a dark day.

Tomorrow I have all the kids after school until she gets home from work at 9:30. My plan is to simply give her "report" on the kids when she gets home and then walk out. Not listen about her day, not listen about her stress or how she feels. Just get out. We'll see if I actually can do that I guess.