Too Little Too Late.... part 7

[purgatory]

I came here to cry, and I find some encouraging words from MrMr and 25.... I really needed that.

Can't type to much between the sobs.... it's just one of those nights.

H came by because he forgot some things- and I saw the angry 'shark eyes' again and the emptiness in him. He moved around the house quickly gathering his things. He stopped and asked me if I had thought more about what we talked about yesterday (in regards to the separation papers) and I told him that I hadn't. I asked if there was a deadline that I wasn't aware of, and he told me he had expected to send our papers to his L tomorrow so they could be drafted since "that's all we're waiting on." I reminded him that there were a few issues that needed to be determined before a final draft could be done. He just stared at me and then walked out the door.

I lost it. Not sure why this ^^^ conversation brought me to my knees, since I've had worse talks with him. I had the ugly cry take over.

I tried a shower to wash it all away- still crying an hour later. (I actually had a hard time catching my breath and was getting dizzy- a side effect of my heart issues- and I got scared that something like this could happen, and no one is here to help me if it got worse.... so I called a friend- and babbled over the phone.

So now, I will be puffy at my first day on the job- great

Still don't know why it all hit me again tonight when Iv'e been in such a better place lately. It kills me to see his eagerness and determination to get this over with. I don't want to make him more angry by delaying it as long as I can... I really don't want to sign anything before he leaves for AFG in July, but I know that would enrage him.

I'm going to drown myself in a quart of ben and jerry's.