Specifics, please! Can't afford telephone consult!

[mishka422]

Ptc....first and foremost, let me welcome you to the last place you ever wanted to be.

Second, I was scanning the newcomers thread and your screen name caught my eye. I had never seen anyone except people who live in my town refer to themselves using ptc...low an behold while reading your first post I realize we are in the same city! Holy cow!

Now, on to more important things.

Everything that everyone is telling you is absolutely correct. You can not, nor should you ever, try to decipher why your H is doing this or put any kind of label on it. It is what it is and that is out of your control.

Yes, your H is having a crisis of some sort. That is his to sort out. It stinks that it is hurting your family so much but he is in 100% selfish mode and refuses to see the pain he is causing.

Now, your entire focus must be on you and your kids. The one positive is that your sons are not young. You won't need to try to turn yourself inside out hiding their father's lies and betrayal. They will handle that on their own but they may need some C along the way.

As far as the money, what does your L say. I too had one of the most tough nosed attorney's in town who took pleasure in raking my xh over the coals and making him squirm. In my case it only got me a signature on a paper (LONG LONG LONG story) but it was very satisfying at the time.

You have massive assets and lots of debts jointly. This is something he is not looking at because he's in la la land. It stinks that you have to shoulder all the responsibility but that is your only choice.

If he has his own account, is he also going to pay all the bills from that account? It sounds like you do all of that now. Is he willing to take it over? If not, how are the bills going to get paid? It's a logical question and he's not thinking logically.

At this point I would go completely no contact with him unless one of your children is injured or the electricity is being shut off (assuming he follows through with his threats of re-routing the money).

It sounds like you are very involved in your church. That is a lifeline. Hold on to it tightly. I too found my comfort in the Lord and my R with Him. My church family has stood with me, helped me find counseling, and counseled me themselves where they could.

Even if the D is not actually in motion or happening any time soon, find a Divorce Care group. I attended one at Heritage when the bomb first dropped and then joined an ongoing group at First Baptist for about a year afterward. It was another lifeline with people who were going through what I was and who could identify with me. Going through the steps will help you get a grip on your emotions, show you passages that will help guide you through healing in God's own words, and give you a new circle of friends.

I actually met my best friend there. She and I have become closer than most people in my life, including my lifelong best friend, because we have shared things I could never share with those I knew before. It hurt to bad to see the pity in their eyes. Now I have someone who never pitied my, she only supported me.

If we can ever find a way to get info to each other personally we could get together in person to talk. If you ever need someone outside of your social circle to talk to, we'll find a way.

HUGS!!!!!