Don't know which way to turn...

[Dazed11]

Thanks for the feedback Mr. Bond. One of my biggest issues that I'm working through is that I was raised (and continued to act until very very recently) super-competitively about everything in life: school, sports, work, everything. I was raised believing that I'm smarter, better, etc than most and everything just happens for me without a lot of effort (and I've had a pretty good life until she dropped the bomb). Due to who I am and who I'm related to, I had luxuries and opportunities growing up that most don't have. The W has commented numerous times throughout the 18 years "Why do you have to think you're right all the time? (my normal answer was because I am right). Why can't you just go along with other people's ideas even if you are right?, etc"

So when the issue of the 180 came up Friday, and it really is just a difference of perception, in light of the above, I thought it was better to just leave it alone because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what she thinks I have or haven't done for the last 10 years. My initial reaction/impulse was to start listing off all the times that I've done this 180 over the last 10 years, but then said to myself, "who cares she didn't see it/recognize it then, she's not going to just accept now that her perception was wrong".

All that matters to me right now is that she starts to see & understand that I'm different now than I was a month ago and in time see that marriage to me going forward will be different than it was for the last 10 years.

She has said numerous times that she doesn't think she can ever love me again like she used to and I tell her to just give it time and she says why? Why is it going to be different now than it has been for the last few years and I tell her that I'm different now. Everything changed when she dropped the bomb last month and started telling me how she feels about me and us. I've told her that it took 3 years to dig this hole, it's going to take more than 1 month to climb out...

I don't want her to love me like she used to, I don't want our marriage to go back to where it was 5 years ago. I want us to move forward and make it better than it's ever been. I told her it doesn't matter if she doesn't see it now, just hang around and watch and you'll see it (and yes I know that sounds a lot like the first issue listed in this comment, sometimes that's a good personality trait).