Being thankful and praying

[angel61]

I haven't been posting that much lately, although we have had a few ups and downs I find myself able to cope more and more.

Yesterday, H left to go on a business trip to xOW's country. Its a short one, 4 days, considering that it takes 30 hours by air to get there. He is with his boss. Its something that they have to do as one of the patients in their research needs surgery.

When he first told me, around a month ago, I couldn't help being freaked out. All sorts of things entered my mind. He told me not to worry, he was not going to do anything to jeopardize our M.

Since then, I'd had a few anxious moments, but nothing that shows outwardly. I am generally calm, and have decided to trust my H, although I know that I still have doubts. To allay my fears, I am leaving it up to God, and I do trust God 100%.

The past weeks have been generally good, although we have had a few ups and downs. It was our anniversary the week before Valentine's and we did have a backslide then. The he night before I tried to initiate R talk and H refused to discuss, saying he preferred to do so later, and it made me angry. I almost lost it, then later I backed off. H reminded me that one of the things that drove him away from me is my unpredictable and volcanic temper. I did realize that and apologized, and we ended up having a good celebration. I bought champagne, he coooked a special dinner and bought me flowers!

Vslentine's day we had plans but he got sick But to his credit, I actually forgot it was Valentines that morning, and he was the one who reminded me as soon as he woke up!

This Saturday was xOW's birthday. I couldn't help it, I kept monitoring my H's reactions, trying to see if he was thinking of her, but couldn't get any clue. We watched the movie "Fireproof" in the evening, and he was very attentive and made all the right comments.

I think I am starting to see what the bridge between DBing and piecing is.

I think the main thing really is forgiveness. Being able to make things work in the future, especially in the early part, is not about communication, nor is it about meeting each others needs. Usually during the first few months, you are too wounded, emotional, hurt, angry and attempts at communication and digging could still reult in huge backslides. It really all starts with forgiveness, and then acceptance. The others then follow... communication becomes more open, blaming is lessened, anger and resnetment gets under control.

This week will be a test of our piecing. On my side, I have to continue to work on not getting angry, believing the best of H, continuing to forgive and accept, and not let what happened in the past influence what I say and do.

I hope H does his part too, but that I cannot control.

I can only pray that both of us can do our part. Friends, pray for us too!