Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY Part 2

[tenbusrider]

[quote=Grmpy_Mnky]
Were you ever in the military? I ask because I went off to basic the month after HS. I hated it at first. How dare these dumb -a$$es yell at me etc...
[quote]

Funny you mention this - I went off to basic the month after graduating, myself. This was when President Clinton was CIC, and I actually wound up getting discharged before my first permanent party duty assignment. It was because I couldn't do enough push-ups to satisfy the APFT. Sad state of affairs, really. I could do hundreds of push-ups a day, but on test day, they really busted my chops on not being able to maintain a rigid form.

But thanks for chiming in, I really do feel like I have the help of some of the board's best, and the gratitude I feel for all of you guys is nothing small. I may go a few days in between postings, but it doesn't mean I'm not around... just means I don't have the patience to type out long responses from my phone! lol

You're right, though: I have been treating her like a possession, though at the time I didn't think that was the case. I've certainly taken her and a lot of things about our marriage for granted. Work on detaching is an ongoing process, but as everyone knows, it's H-A-R-D.

Journaling - Saturday was a relatively quiet day. W worked, I did some cleaning around the house in an ongoing project to erase the damage caused by my apathy over the last couple of months. After W got home, I left to go see my dad in the hospital, who's finally awake after over a week of sedation. He had a tracheotomy, which will hopefully allow him to actually begin recovering instead of hanging in medical limbo due to the sedation. After I got home, W left to go to a party, and so it was just S and I. We played around for a while until he passed out. I stayed up for a while longer playing a game, then went to sleep myself.

W wound up staying the night over at her friend's house. She texted me when she was on her way home. I had coffee and cinnamon rolls ready for her when she got there. We ate then went to church.

It wasn't long after church that we had to meet with the pastor. It was a pretty long meeting. Without going into details, I listened without defending, and tried my hardest to speak without offending. I think for the most part, I did pretty well. The pastor gave me a few assignments, one of them being to not drink for a year, something W had asked for. He also advised apologizing for some of the things that I've done over the years, suggesting how to seem and actually be sincere. I haven't done these things yet, but I will. It just seemed somewhat insincere to do it immediately after leaving a meeting where I'd been told to do just that.

After the meeting, we went and bought a movie, got some KFC (W's favorite), and had a pretty decent evening together at home. In all, I think it was a good start. She mentioned in the meeting that she wasn't going to make a decision yet, indicating heavily that I might just be able to do something to turn this around. The pastor said he was hopeful and encouraged by our meetings with him that we could work it out. It's nice to have that kind of support in a time of so much uncertainty.

The last thing the pastor left me with to think about is something that's been said to me dozens of times and is oft-repeated here on the board - take it one day at a time. Easier said than done, but I'm working on it.