Did your H ask you to give up OM or did you do it on your own?
He discovered my EA with OM over the Internet and confronted me. My H did not ask me to give up the OM. He "expected" me to stop all contacts with OM and told me if he found any more messages, he would throw the computer out the back door.
I learned how to be more sneaky with the EA so that my H would not read anything on the computer. I believe the term is taking the A "underground".
I finally made the decision to end the EA and not contact OM any more. I'm not sure I would have had the strength to do it if I had not found this board and the great support I received. May sound strange that a WAW had support on the board, but I was given information that helped save my M.
It was the most difficult time in my life. I grieved the loss of the OM & the A. It really is like being in mourning. I had a lot of depression that hung on forever. I suffered loneliness. I felt no hope for my M, and I had zero desire for my H. I didn't even want to breathe the same air with him. Staying under the same roof was like torture. I had no energy, no interest, and felt numb.
The best I could do right then...was to be willing "to be willing". Yes, you read that right. I had to first be willing just to get to the step of being willing. That's how low I was. I was not mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically able to commit to putting ANY effort toward saving my M. But my H wanted me to put 100% effort.
All I could do at that time, was to just "be there". Making the decision to stay left me feeling completely drained. (I'm not saying every WAS does that.....but that's how I felt.)
This is what I hope you'll get most of all: I made a decision based on what I knew was the right thing to do, not on what I felt in my heart. Just b/c it is the right decision does not mean the right feelings fall into place. I had to continue day in and day out doing what was right instead of what I wanted.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
