Update. Counseling and DR is working. I raised the box of gifts in the session, told the counsler I can only see one way out but he talked me around. It came out that W had thrown out gifts from her first boyfriend (skinhead) when we got married, and was stuck on the memories of that and hanging onto this. Said she hadn't gotten attached or used anything from it but couldn't bring herself to throw it out, wanted to give it back so OG knew she didn't have any of it. Counselor gave me the option of what should be done with it. I would have liked to have burned it but I agreed for it to go back. After the session I asked W if she would put a note that it was really over, she readily agreed and looked up and found a pretty blunt no contact letter on the net and wrote the letter. The box went back with letter included, she didn't want to go through the contents or look in the box.
We spent the day out together yesterday, even revisited somewhere that we'd had a big argument a few months ago and re-did it having a great time. Pretty much had about ten hours together, just us, doing stuff and there was a fair bit of talk from her about plans for us later in the year.
Haven't told OMW, I'd have to track her and down don't have her full details but the counselor hasn't said that we should go there, and there is a reasoning that sometimes it's better not to find out, if an affair ends and the offending partner decides to get on with fixing things it seems it can be better for the spouse not to know. Plus I don't want this guy having any excuse to come back and contact my W now.
I'm struggling with the thoughts of what they've done together. The thought of her being touched by him and when/where/how that might have happened is really hard to deal with. Also the idea that if I see him on the street or something I don't know that I'd simply turn away. I'm trying not to put any of this onto W but it's darn hard keeping it locked up. There are so many little things that come up, did she wear that underwear, they had pet names for each other - don't call me my nickname now!, from this restaurant I can see a place where I knew they were together, where did she get the coffee mug, - at every turn there's something. If I can get past this somehow we've got a chance.
