I have been sticking to my lifeplan at home but it can get weird.
Last night, my W and I were both in the kitchen and I acted according to my decision. I didn't try and plan any "date", did my own thing and kept to myself. So we were both there, both polite, very quiet around each other. It's like a game of chicken, but there's no way I'm going back to the valueless, serf I had become.
I'm not forgetting what she is dealing with on her own, but I'm only going to be with her if she can conguer and live having solved her issues to a degree that she can be loving, non-dependent, not ruled by fear, and be a partner. And I'm not going to be with her either with any of the issues I have worked on. It's not a one-way street. I'm doing my part too.
When I got home from yoga this morning she says "come her I have to show you something". I had no idea what she was referring too. She shows me her wedding rings that are way too big for her fingers and how easily they slip off. She hasn't been wearing them for months. She says she isn't wearing them because she would rather have them at least, than lose them. She says that she is telling me this because she knows I am hurt by her not wearing them. I said "thank you for telling me" and left it at that.
I would normally get sucked back in with hope and expectations, she does have my number FWIW. This time she's going to have to grow up, and chase me if she wants me.
