So sorry. 'normal' job changes and deployments are hard enough to deal with..... Add that to your emotional trauma and you've got a perfect storm.
Wish I could take you out for a drink and cry into our margaritas. (((((((((((111))))))))))))
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
May I ask.... how does one deal with the WAS being so.... mean? Or even just ice cold? How is a way to deal with them once loving you so much to them treating you worse than they would a stranger on the street?
When my H first walked out, he was mean and very cold to me. I ignored it and killed him with kindness. Because I was the better person. I remember him looking me straight in the face, his eyes were so cold saying some horrible things to me. I kept telling myself, this is not my H, it's an alien.
It was hard for me, but I kept praying for him and us. Now we are piecing our relationship back together.
Thank you 321, I hear you. But my S isn't really going through a mlc. He is remembering me as the volatile girl that he grew to ... hate, with the catalyst of it all occuring in Thailand.
He has not laid eyes on me since.
His way of dealing with stuff is to shut off to it, completely.
He is just so mean and cruel now. I've done some to deserve it. I guess I'm just really scared of what it will be like in person when he gets back.
I've not yet had to see the 'snake eyes' or heard that cold tone. It's all been in email.
"May I ask.... how does one deal with the WAS being so.... mean? Or even just ice cold? How is a way to deal with them once loving you so much to them treating you worse than they would a stranger on the street?"
After the bomb- I had this revelation that *I* treated my H like this at the peak of my anger years.... it's heartbreaking that I did that and he stood by me.
As far as dealing with P treating you like that, you have to find the ability to 'rise above' it all and let it roll off your back. It's the hardest thing to do- but if you engage him in any way, it will get twisted around to be your fault and/or you will end up being the one with a broken heart.
So sorry you're dealing with all of this and the anxiety of his homecoming. I would say to find something that distracts you from these overwhelming thoughts.... but I know that *I* have never been able to completely get the thoughts out of my head- so I won't be a hiporcryt and tell you to do so! The best you can hope for are moments where you don't feel overwhelmed and don't succumb to the sadness.
Start mentally decorating your new condo, go to decorating websites and get inspiration! You were so excited about starting over in a new place- let that be your silver lining through all of this
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Pur... me too. while going through therapy since Thailand (Oct) I realized this too. I knew it all along, but hearing myself talk honestly about how horrible I was to P, makes me sick. I've forgiven myself now, but I am still extremely remorseful. I was so horrible to him.
And re: moving to the condo? I am excited if I *have* to move. Yet even after all this I still hold on to some hope that we will come to terms in the couple of months we have left (or that I think we have left anyways).
I still have some hope that once he sees the strong woman who got ahold of her emotions as best as she could, that he would want to try and work it out. When and if that ever happened, THEN we could figure out the rest (meaning how I could trust HIM, and how HE could trust that my changes are long lasting and a work in progress).
Before the deployment, all we had was time. Now with the pending posting, time is short. Once he moves with the Army, it's over forever.
so anyone reading this. --- the statement said on these boards "time is your friend" believe it!!
Okay. While I realize this is nothing huge, and it could have no importance whatsoever, I still am a little, *tiny* bit ... encouraged (but even that word gives too much significance)...
Since the day that I sent P the email asking him to please reconsider his quest for a casual encounter in Cyprus, he has not signed on to that dating site where he had the ad up.
You can search on that site without being a member and it tells you when the member has last signed in.
P never sent one word about that email however. But maybe it got his mental juices flowing a little that la-la land is almost over and back to reality he comes?
hey, whatever keeps up you PMA! It may be nothing, it may be something.... have no expectations and you can't get hurt by it (but you already knew that )
I realized I ignored your post on my thread yesterday- i never saw it until this morning, so please don't be offended. The FB comments from other people are referring to OW- there is an overwhelming agreement that she IS NOT attractive, and they can't see what H see's in her.... makes me feel even better when it's not a family member or direct friend that says it!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
