I feel quite strongly that dating while you are in marital difficulties only enforces the WAs belief that trying to come back is NOT an option. I mean to take an apparent interest in someone else while saying you want the m sends mixed signals.
Not something I want added to my m during this crucial stage.
Quote: If you are at the point in your sitch where you are still desperately trying to get your WA back then dating may not be the right thing to do as it may just complicate things.
Right on!
Quote: And while jealousy may be a great motivating factor intitially to get the WA to think twice it often does not make them fall "in love" again which seems to be the reason for leaving in most sitchs.
Well who would want to play second fiddle? Especially when the WA is hurting so badly and confused? To see the person that says they love them dating...wow that would be confusing and hurtful. I think about how I felt when I found my h dating....it threw some stuff in the marital mix like insecurity, distrust, in extra measure which did not help the situation at all.
Quote: but in my opinion I don't think you are ready nor wanting to truly "date" yet.
No I'm not ready to date mainly because my mind is still in the married mode. And though my h 'seems' to have moved on, I will maintain hope for the both of us. (yet if he's truly moved on then why is he going to mc and dating me? )
My MC recommended that I avoid treating my h like he is treating me. One of us has to remain on target and not resort to petty squabbling and tactics like not returning calls, being vague, etc. To resort to the same tactics would just pit us against each other and no progress would be made. One of us has to be the more loving, less assuming, benefit of the doubt giving, sacrificing their own feelings in place of validating the other, respectful of space person in order for the situation to be turned around. We can't treat the WA with the more of the same stuff we are getting from them! To me that defeats the whole purpose. DBing should be tempered with self-control, kindness, love, joy not bitterness and retaliation.
Maybe I'm just going too deep with all that Wiley, and Putter said...but this is what I've just recently realized and am attempting to change in myself...dating and retalatory tactics being the tip of the iceberg. If you get nothing from all this 'controversy' on dating, then at least get that you the LBS should not resort to using the same tactics as the WAs!
) 
