After reading Crazyville's thoughts as a WAW, I had some serious reservations about V day. I decided to treat the day as if it was a new relationship and this is what she could look forward to.
I decided to take her to see the movie "The Vow", make a dinner and set up a bath afterward.
The day before I shopped for the ingredients for a dinner recipe from Epicurious. Took me 3 hours in the grocery store to find everything. I'm not a cook but thought I would try it. I put an invite and the menu in a card(not a valentine card) a set it by her favorite flowers; tulips. Spent 3 hours getting the dinner ready until we had to go to the movie. We enjoyed the movie, at least until my W said it just reminds her of all the things she has never had in our relationship. That hurt.
Once home I finished dinner; Raspberry and Kiwi salad, Filet mignon, lemon asparagus, and candied orange peels, almond macaroons, strawberries and raspberries in a chocolate fondu for dessert. I managed to pull it off without burning the house down. W thought it was excellent, steaks were awesome etc. She even helped with the fondu and we sat next to each other while eating the dessert. Actually had a fun time! She was on call that night so she didn't do the spa/bath. She fell asleep in my arms that night in bed, I eventually got up and went back to my room.
Next day we go to another movie. "Extremely close and Incredibly Loud". She really liked the movie, but was very quiet driving home. I tried talking about the movie etc, but eventually asked "why so quiet". She said that we aren't best friends and why would she talk about the movie with me. I guess the state of our relationship is summed up by this: during the movie I reached for a handful of popcorn and subsequently dropped a few kernels. She said in a very condescending voice "Nice!" My counselor said that is a reflection of the anger in my wife.
However, my counselor was very enthusiastic about what I did for V day and said even though your wife won't ever tell you, she really liked that. She was very impressed by my efforts. She thought the bath was maybe too intimate but the rest was spot on. My W's only comment afterward was that it was nothing that roommates wouldn't do with each other.
I realize one day won't change the years of pain my W has been through. But I at least want to establish a picture of what the future R would hold. ANother note is my boss wanted me to be in KY for a meeting with his bosses to brief them on some of my new ideas. However it meant I would miss V day so I said I couldn't do that. Before I would have not said anything and gone to the meeting. I never even told W this.
However, this week my W accepted a job offer in Dallas area. Starts April 23rd. No D has been filed yet but she says she needs to get busy on that. I still don't have a L. She talks about her new job with enthusiasm with me. How much she hates living here and can't wait to get out of ANC. Again stated that if we hadn't moved here we wouldn't be getting the D.
Last night and the previous night she laid in my lap while we watched TV. She hasn't done that in a long time. She was all curled up with her head in my lap, she even held my hand last night, though it was a bit ephemeral.
Last night she said her car was out of gas so I said I would fill it up for her. But between making dinner and watching TV with her it slipped my mind. So this morning I get a text 'Thanks for getting gas in my car". Sarcastically of course. She then texts "All this has been fluff. You haven't changed". My reply was "sorry you feel that way, but I know I've made significant changes. That doesn't mean I won't make mistakes."
So of course I drove to her car and took it to fill it up with gas. I have no idea way to do with her any more.
Here is another statement my counselor keyed in on. My wife has made it clear we are going to be D, but while at lunch with her friend yesterday, she says she is trading the joe in Dallas like a travel nurse job. Her friend was a little confused and asked "it is a permanent job". My W says "yes, but I'm only committed to 90 days. i will spend the summer there and see what happens." My counselor said don't listen to what she tells you, listen to what she told her friend. And the fact that my W told me what she said to her friend is rather telling.
So what is your thoughts, any 2X4's needed? My counselor seems to like how I'm doing yet my wife's comments do get discouraging. DB coach is amazed at the lengths that my W will go to get revenge or control.
When do you realize that your W is not coming back. I do not remember the last time my W said something kind to me, did something for me etc. Why and how will she ever get to the point that she will want to again? If ever.......
I almost feel as if this whole D is one big punishment against me. Maybe that is a rather obvious statement.
