Thanks Mach1, flew fighters in my previous life. Thought maybe Mach1 had something to do with that.
So how do I get to the point that she no longer has power over me. I am empathetic to her feelings, how she got here. Reading some of the viewpoints of Sandi2 and Crazyville, I am really trying to own my part of the R downfall. Maybe I am trying to shoulder too much of the blame, I don't know.
You are right Mach1, I still have fear. A lot of it. I'm watching my wife walk way from me. I still am trying to come to terms with it. She discusses her move to Dallas so nonchalantly. Like she is going on vacation or something. She is more friendly now than she was 4 months ago. In fact she is more friendly now than she was before she asked for a divorce. But states we will be divorced before she leaves, she is gone for good. My W is a very proud woman, I'm not sure she is capable of not going through with it. She has blustered about how bad her marriage is to her friends and family, how could she back out now. Not that I think she wants to.
I'm working on me, taking over control of our life. Here is a new complaint from my wife. She says that I have gained so much from the marriage, and have changed much since we met. She says I dress better, read more, did more with the kids before they went of to school. Also I am doing well at my job, she knows that I'm highly respected and well liked in my profession. But she has gained nothing from me, I've taught her nothing. She is only more miserable, cynical, angry etc. She has 21 years of marriage with me and nothing to show for it.
Yes I need to come up with some concrete goals on what exactly to change.
I want to GAL such that I have a life that is enjoyable outside work. Not sure yet what that will be.
I want my friendships to be permanent, not so transient. We've moved a lot and I've lost touch with some friends I shouldn't have.
I want the communication between myself and our sons to increase since they are away at school. Regardless of my R with W, I want to be the best father to my boys. They certainly deserve the best from me.
I take it day by day, but my overarching question is: If she leaves me because of all of the problems in our R, why would she ever come back to me? As my friend says, even though you have chosen to look hard at yourself, until she accepts some culpability in the R, she probably won't return.
