He came over this morning. Now he comes 10-15 min earlier. He said he'd rather spend mr time with the kids in the morning than bring Starbucks. I told him that's perfectly fine! We talked a bit about work and the kids during the day. He came over to pick them up.
GAL: I talked to an ACA friend about my triggers. I practiced JUST FOR TODAY I WILL SPEND 30min thinking about how to better myself. I realized I have triggers every 2min!!!! I worked on living in the NOW in those 30min and struggled! Also, I had my face threaded. I felt pretty after
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Yesterday morning I had my 5th DB Coach session with Laurie (LOVE HER!) I gave her the rundown of how my 180 has allowed for some major changes in both our behavior. However he continues to say he wants to move out of his moms and into an apt we own (I remodeled it for his brother a year ago, can you believe that!). She let me know that his actions are much stronger than his words. He has demonstrated that he wants to come back in many ways. For ex: willingness and committed to coparenting counseling (Laurie said it's actually more marriage counseling!), initiating family outings, he shares work and family related stories (emotional intimacy), listens to me and will ask me questions to spark more conversation!, etc.
Before DD he did NONE of this, and I need to recognize that my present moment is great. I have made changes that have improved my relationship with the people I love, not just him.
Today, I felt like I was walking taller, or was it the high heels
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
This is not a good morning . I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. What I hate about this is that I get a lot of triggers and as much as I try to shake them off or I try looking at positive aspects in my life, they control my mind and affect my morning. I had very little patience so when it was time to wrap things up at home and get S3 to school I could feel a huge knot in my throat. The last thing I want to do is lose my patience w my kids so I just did what I had to do and prayed aloud.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
My day is almost over. Thank God! I had my first session w a new therapist. She practices cognitive behavioral management. She recommended I start building my self esteem n suggested I use a workbook, self esteem workbook, to help. From there we will work on my anxiety an then my OCD tendencies. Wow! I sound like a mess! Lol!
Regardless, I'm eager to work w her and I told her I'm a very good student.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Hey there! Was just reading through some of your posts and noticed no one had posted to your thread in awhile, so here I am!
From your description, it really looks like you are zeroing in on some important behaviors that produce positive outcomes. I'd make note of those for future reference and keep poking and prodding until you find the gusher that produces the muthalode!
It sounds like you are getting great advice and affirmation from Laurie your DB coach. I don't know if there is more than one Laurie, but I may have had the same one and I agree she is great. As a matter of fact, I've got 3 paid for but unused sessions left with her that I should schedule. I've been saving them for a rainy day and I see some storm clouds heading in my direction.
Anyway, it really sounds like you have things under control. Keep up the good work and keep on posting!
Take care!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Thank you for the encouragement 2thepoint. I just seem to write to vent and if someone responds it's a bonus and Laurie, She's great
Yesterday was challenging. I was going to go to an al anon meeting but he asked if the kids n I could go visit him at work for an early lunch! He hasn't invited us since September!!!! So I got my little ones ready and we had a really nice lunch.
After that I went to the mall and bought myself some clothes. I've gone down 2 sizes and I look ridiculous even in my pre-pregnancy clothes. So I'm feeling a little more like myself.
In an effort to build on my friendships, I hosted a 2nd Fri nite happy hour at my house. It's so friends and their hubby's can relax w the kids. I enjoy it and everyone else looks forward to it. Since we can't get sitters for our little ones a big happy hour playdate is a lot of fun. I love it cuz we are so relaxed. If kids make a mess I really don't care. If they break something. Oh well. I wasn't like this before. I'm liking this carefree me
He came over this morning to pick up the kids and brought me a thinking of you gift, hemp lotion. I got a trigger cuz I could smell his cologne. I immediately figured he had spent the night at her house and was coming from there. I think he could tell I wasn't too excited about the gift cuz he said, "not that you don't smell nice. I just thought you'd like it." I tried to shake off the trigger and I thanked him. It was hard
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
It's the *worst* way to loose weight... but I too am enjoying the outcome! To save my wallet, I've taken the stuff I outgrew to a consignment shop- when they sell, I use the credit to by new smaller clothes, I clean out the closet without having to spend too much out of pocket!!
I can relate to the 'triggers'.... like when he gets a text in the middle of the night (I can hear it across the hall) or when he wears his cologne. Good job on keeping your mouth closed
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Thank u purg. I just got off the phone w him and before his call I was crying. He had no idea and told me about his day w S3 in a happy-go-lucky way.
I hate that I can't talk to him and he's not there for me. I hate that I lost my support. I'm packing for a weekend trip to the snow w my little ones and I hate I'm doing it alone. I keep telling myself "when these 2 days are over I can say I did this without his help.". I keep crying as I'm packing cuz I get a lot of anxiety when I pack. It's my OCD cuz I stress that I might not pack enough or forget something. Then when I do, I beat myself up about it. Something I need to work on, I'm my own worst critic.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Here we go! My little ones n I r on r way to the mountains a couple-friend of ours is driving us. H n I are considering them to baptize D6mos. Originally, before all this he wanted my brother and his wife to baptize her but my brother can't be in the same room w him much less stand next to him when our daughters baptized. So my 180 is being receptive to who he chooses and to be honest he's chosen some good people. We'll be back tomorrow and he asked me to call him. I hate calling him and he doesn't pick up. Makes my mind come up w all these scenarios. I asked him to call me instead and he said blah blah blah, better u call me. I was like. Ok .
Being with my friend and her husband is nice cuz they have been supportive since day 1 but makes me sad cuz I miss him more when I'm with my couple-friends. I hate taking trips without him. Ok...the plus to this!! (180 at work!, I can b very neg) I have an awesome experience with my kids. I get a break from DBing. I spend time w my friends. And!! Enjoy the mountains!! I love the mountains! The smell, the view
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
We talked a bit about work and the kids during the day. He came over to pick them up. 
. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. What I hate about this is that I get a lot of triggers and as much as I try to shake them off or I try looking at positive aspects in my life, they control my mind and affect my morning. I had very little patience so when it was time to wrap things up at home and get S3 to school I could feel a huge knot in my throat. The last thing I want to do is lose my patience w my kids so I just did what I had to do and prayed aloud.