Great insights by everyone. I found that How to Fix Your Marriage Without Talking About It was helpful in helping me see how I used shame and blame A LOT in my interactions with H.

Thank you all for being vulnerable here and sharing those things we find difficult within us.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss