After our meeting with the MC (who told us we needed to spend all this time together last weekend), I feel like I made it known to my W that I was indeed willing to spend time together. But that was not on her agenda. She told me she simply didn't see the point. We largely spent the entire weekend apart doing our own thing. W has shown no interest in seriously working on our problems and our marriage right now. We've been very civil towards each other and have even laughed a few times, but in terms of working on the M, it's just not happening.
On Valentine's Day, I did absolutely nothing special. We got home from work and she made a light dinner for us. During dinner, the W asked what I had planned for this weekend (I had planned a special out-of-town weekend for us a few months ago). I mentioned that I still had a hotel booked for Saturday but she quickly said she thought that wouldn't be a good idea. At that point, she began crying and told me she is moving out on March 1. I sat there rather emotionless. No pleading, no begging, no crying. She said she just needed space and time to be alone. I told her "if that's what you want, that's fine with me."
I've read DB, have read a lot of these posts, have thought a lot about the principles. Here's where I'm at right now:
After the W said she was out March 1, I honestly felt nothing. No sadness, no hurt, no emotion - just nothing. The next day, I had a good day at work and spent some time that evening with some friends. Same thing Thursday and Friday. Tonight, I'm headed out of town to hang out with old friends from college. I have felt upbeat, positive and... CALM. I've had an unbelievable sense of CALM the past week. Obviously I've been praying a lot. But I have felt a tremendous calm about me. The W has one foot out the door but I'm not letting it detour my life. She very well may be leaving for a while in March, but I can't do anything about it right now, other than let her do her thing.
Now, I say I'm calm and feeling okay. If/when she leaves, the calm and this okay feeling may quickly disappear, to be replaced by sadness and loneliness! But I sure hope not.
Sandi, is this feeling of "calm" a normal part of the grieving right now? It's been two-and-a-half weeks since the W first told me she wanted to leave. The way I felt was simply horrendous the first week, but my attitude has slowly changed over the past week. I'm curious to hear your thoughts.
For what it's worth, we're supposed to have an appointment with the MC on Monday night. This is the MC who is indeed pro-marriage, but suggested NOT a 180, but instead a ton of time together. Clearly, that's not what my W wants. Now we have to go back to the MC and tell her we've spent virtually NO time together. Perhaps we'll just cancel the appointment. But anyhow, thank you Sandi for checking back in. Look forward to hearing back from you.
