Wife in "D - freight train mode" Pt.2

[purgatory]

I've learned, the hard way, that once words leave your mouth- they turn to smoke and are impossible to collect and take back. When I was angry- I would just rattle off whatever came to mind, with no filter or thoughts of what my words would make him feel. It would take a while for me to get back in control and it was almost like my brain had to re-engage... And by then, the damage was done. I would apologize, he accepted and I would move on- as if it never happened. I never internalized what it felt like for him to be on the receiving end of my venom. It was years of this pattern that took its toll on H.

Not sure if you were ever this extreme, but it sounds like your W reached the same place as my H. All we can do now is to reflect inwards and choose to do 'surgery' on our temper and live it everyday. Like 25 says, 'from this day forward, be the best we can be'

I can relate to labug's statement: "a position he couldn't retreat from". Once I realized what I had done, I was embarrassed and ashamed- so my solution was to ignore it (probably a pride thing) and just move on.... Turns out my H needed me to be vulnerable enough to admit my shame and be genuine in my apology. A tough lesson to learn, that I will never have to learn again.