Try not to pay too much attention to how your H greeted you. He is definitely facing hard times - you can see that clearly - and he might or might not turn back to you...
So have no expectations and keep working on yourself, and you cannot go wrong there.
I can't wait to hear about your experience with your good friends during your trip. It sounds like something profound and powerful happened there.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
So I guess this is the adjustment period that Labug talked about....
H came back this morning. Didn't say anything and started to make breakfast- not with the intention of having a family breakfast. He ate in silence and played on his laptop... Meanwhile, I fixed plates for the boys and we ate together.
I feel really akward. Must get back to that place of 'I don't care that you don't talk to me'.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Live your life as those he is already gone. The only way to get through this is to create a happy life without him. If he comes around, he comes around. If he doesn't you still have a happy life. Don't put you happiness in the hands of OW, the military, your H, OW's H, you need to control your happiness.
This is one of the toughest things you may ever do but you can do it!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Aaaaaa!! H keeps coming up with surprises.... Confusing ones!
H brought up a concern about something S6 said while I was gone, it brought up a concern in H about my parenting style. [i breathed and channeled zen purg] I validated, but I also pointed out how S6 interprets 'mean' things from parents and that he was exagerating.... Somehow H moved into some deeper thoughts about me as a person (I guess he had some things he's been keeping from me) here's the short list: - I've been lazy throughout life, always trying to find short cuts - I won't strive for a career - I don't go to the gym anymore - I didn't want to work on our R (WTH???) (fun things to hear about yourself, huh?!) Unfortunately I gave him a raised eyebrow about the R comment, and I reminded him that the doctor's told me not to workout until we have a diagnosis and plan (but in a normal voice- which was REALLY hard to keep in check.)
He followed this 'bashing' with: "I know how much effort you're putting into your life *now* and I admire that. You've made *plans* for you future- talking about hobbies and talking about going back to school- but until you *do* something, I'm not convinced. I know what you're trying to do here, and I think you have the ability to accomplish it." He gave me a hug, kissed my forehead and left for the day.
Flash to me with a giant question mark over my head and my mouth dropped. Any ideas?
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
He is seeing the changes that you've been making. That's a big plus. As with any of them, they are not "convinced" that the changes are going to last. So you just need to keep doing what you're doing and prove him that the new Purg is there to stay.
You're doing so amazing and I wish I was able to be more zen like you!
Your H is very confused, especially with the recent developments. I hope that he'll slowly start opening his eyes and see what a great family he's got and what a fool he'd be to walk away from that.
If he starts giving your more attention all of a sudden, take it, but be careful. He should not be able to get off the hook just because his plans with the OW have been torn (I still love the fact that whatever his R was with the OW, that they're now "poof", and you had nothing to do with it!). Sounds like you should take more of those trips by yourself, huh?
wow. he is a bunch of contradictions it seems. silent treatment but yet shows up at your place at breakfast... if he really didn't want to talk to you, he wouldn't come around.
as for his list of "concerns".. sounds like a checklist of things to justify his decision.. whether they be valid or not. good on you for validating and reminding him why you can't do all those things (in a calm manner).
IMO.. he sounds like he's really on the fence. stay your course.. because it seems to be working!
(((((( purg ))))))
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
