So now do I just keep my distance, no pressure and be there for her, or go a bit dark?
Well I came to read about your son but thought I would start here. IMHO mirror her, let her control all contact. Yes no pressure, validate, no pursuit at all. Treat her like a friend that you would meet on the street, she really is no more than that at this point. Do not get involved with her an OM, that is none of your concern and you could not possibly help anyways.
As far as you son goes, yes be his DAD. Whatever that might take. Love him unconditionally no matter what he does. Including tough love if that is required, but for right now I would suggest being a soft place for him to land and maybe some TLC, hugs, whatever is needed.
