H came over after dinner so I could go to an Alanon meeting. I was in a good place when he got there but a few minutes in he says maybe on D1 bday when she is 2 we should take away the bedtime bottle from both D3 and D1. I say I am planning to take their pacifiers away. He says he would just like to be involved in these kind of things and I should include him in the process. I am thinking what freaking book has he read this week. He is leaving his kids and he wants to be an involved Dad give me a break.
I say nothing but my body language changes and I cant stand to be around him.
I leave and en route to my meeting feel like I messed up and I should have been more open to H co-parents suggestions. I am thinking when I get home I should apologize to him for getting cold and say that co-parenting isnt easy for me but I am working on doing it better.
Then I sit through the meeting. And it changes again. I realize I didnt act perfectly but I acted reasonably and without anger. i dont need to apologize. I can recognize that my behavior wasnt ideal and next time I can maybe react differently. I realized H actions contributed to my negative feelings, I dont need to own the entire exchange. H needs to see that his role as a father is different now that he is not at home.
I come home and am in a great mind frame to act all honky dory. When I get home the girls are in bed but not asleep. H is acting like Mr. Perfect Dad and bringing the girls bottles and being so happy. It was making me sick. He tells D3 good night and leaves. D3 had no idea that goodnight meant he was leaving. She gets out of bed 5 minutes later and starts shreeking for her Daddy. After 10 minutes I call him and I let her cry into his ear for 10 minutes. This is the reality. I think he needs to hear her cry.
I am planning on sending him this email regarding D3: What do you guys think??? ---- H,
Initially when you mentioned having D3 see a child psychologist I was very reluctant. I did not want anything to be "wrong" with our perfect little girl. Maybe I was in denial. She cries consistantly every night for you. And is inconsolable. I always tell her Daddy loves you and you will see him soon. I have not mentioned these instances because I dont want it to feel like I am putting them in the middle. (Or should I say I have not mentioned these instances because I didnt want to upset you. Alanon has helped me realize that it serves no purpose to protect you from the pain) I know that we both want what is best for them. But I definitely need help as to an appropriate way to handle this.
I also think a therapist could help guide us with regard to work and also if we should even be considering taking away the binkies and bottles.
I will begin researching child therapist to initially work only with me and/or us and then letting us know if we should also have D3 meet with them. What do you think??
Bklyn
----- Thanks for reading my rambles.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
