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Trying to win him back while not validating him as a man, or allowing him feelings and even the selfishness of having only his feelings validated has caused him to shut down. (hey you know what he saved my last message on his answering machine where I apologized for not getting that he's a man with feelings, that he works so hard for his family and I'm ungrateful for that, I also said that I realize that my being ungrateful for what he does do has led me to focus on the negative in him, that I need to respect him by allowing him his me time....he actually has the message still there 3 days after I left it! Isn't that good?)



I think that this is BIG! It seems like what you said and did really stuck a chord with him. You pushed a "positive button". What are some more things like this that you could continue to do?

I really am not a big fan of "dark", unless situations are out of control, and contact does more harm than good. That's not really what "I" am seeing here. Keep in mind, too, that "giving space, and "going dark", are 2 different things. Dark really does seem to him like rejection, doesn't it?

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and it's just great until SOMETHING goes wrong, usually r talks then he's back in his cave.



Yes, it seems like the R talks are definitely something that sends him running, isn't it? I know how tough it is to NOT have them for you, however, you might get a little farther ahead if you could keep delaying these for awhile. It's difficult, but it seems like he's just waiting for these talks, so not initiating would be a big 180 for you. Something to knock him off balance a bit, and maybe make HIM more likely to initiate?

Hang in there! We should be able to hit on something somewhere here soon to make some more changes!!

JJ

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