Well going dark on h has resulted in him turning around and initiating and it's just great until SOMETHING goes wrong, usually r talks then he's back in his cave.
This last time I went dark, he blew his top. I mean he was MAD!!! Came to the office so mad he was as red as a lobster. Since this last going dark episode, he's not initiated any contact; when I call him he's quick to try to end it, very short and huffy. When I asked to hang out this past Sunday to watch a movie he said come over whenever you want and when I attempted to say something like ok whatever like I was not going to come over he said well you just tell the boys to come home from their friends and then ya'll come over...I said oh, ok. I was at his place, made overtures to hug him but he said what for, I said cause I'm cold he said well get a blanket! Hmmm. He did cook us all dinner which was nice...even made a plate for me.
What now? My mc says that h has been rejected his whole life and now I've handed him another rejection by filing for d.
Trying to win him back while not validating him as a man, or allowing him feelings and even the selfishness of having only his feelings validated has caused him to shut down. (hey you know what he saved my last message on his answering machine where I apologized for not getting that he's a man with feelings, that he works so hard for his family and I'm ungrateful for that, I also said that I realize that my being ungrateful for what he does do has led me to focus on the negative in him, that I need to respect him by allowing him his me time....he actually has the message still there 3 days after I left it! Isn't that good?)
I mean my h has said he's an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10 for coming back to the marriage (and this prior to mc).
Do you think going dark is the answer in this case?
Prior to the our last court hearing, h was the one that went dark. I only reinforced that by doing as he wished by not talking to him, not initiating convo when he picked up boys. He changed his mind mid-hearing from a NO to ok 90 days! He went dark after h said it was absolutely over, he didn't trust me not to file again, he had feelings for me but couldn't be with someone he could not trust, etc., so I helped end all contact.
This last time I went dark as a result of him asking us to leave his apartment in no uncertain terms. I was mad so didn't call him or try to see him when he picked up boys. That is what made him livid...I seemed to be negating his need for ME time by punishing him with no calls, or contact.
What exactly is the man thinking? Got any ideas on what my next tactic should be? I'm thinking my final move will be to dismiss the divorce even if my h continues to ride the fence. That way he will KNOW for sure I don't want the d and if d is what h wants he can file.
I'm so tired of not knowing what he wants at least by dismissing I can put forth what I want in no uncertain terms.
