Imagine how much less your typing finger would hurt if you could stop defending yourself so much, and drop the victim role.....
labug asked me what I was doing about it, so I was trying to provide context and explain what I was doing.
I shouldn't try to explain myself? What do I do in counseling? Is validating all I can do? What about when she says something that just isn't true?
Explanations and excuses aren't positive actions toward fixing any problem. Positive actions might include -90 mtgs in 90 days -calling your sponsor or another member when you want to drink -taking care of your son because you want to spend time with him not because you see it as W punishing you. -being honest with your IC -listening to your wife without your defensive filter -reading as much as you can-lots of books are brought up in the pages of DB -working to realize and accept that all this has very little to do with your W
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
How much of the time are you concerned with being right ??
It was an honest question. My fear of being wrong is irrelevant.
I'll remember that on Sunday.
Quote:
How committed are you to really changing ???
Who would continuously subject themselves to this kind of questioning for fun?
If there was a single sentence that would change a person, provide so much insight as to completely reverse years of ingrained thinking patterns, psychologists everywhere would be out of a job.
I've been getting verbally beat down from all sides for weeks now, and I keep trying to understand where I've gone wrong so I can fix myself. Is that not at least synonymous with dedication?
Me: 31 W: 28 M: almost 6 T: 10.5 S2 Bomb#1: 05/11 Bomb#2: 11/11 S'd: 11/28/11 Moved back in: 12/28/11 MC: 06/28/12
If there was a single sentence that would change a person, provide so much insight as to completely reverse years of ingrained thinking patterns, psychologists everywhere would be out of a job.
I didn't ask for a single question....just a simple answer...
Take a look around you, I will know when you find it...
Ten you are in good hands. Look's like the Vet's have taken you under their DBing wing. Read what they post and read it carefully. At times it may seem succinct or short. Make no mistake its all in there.
I'm not the first and sure as heck will not be the last to say this - slow down, look inside, and begin to forgive yourself. Come here often and let us know what's gooing on, you may find that you will do better here than with a Miller.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
I've been getting verbally beat down from all sides for weeks now, and I keep trying to understand where I've gone wrong so I can fix myself. Is that not at least synonymous with dedication?
Its tough to be sure. Were you ever in the military? I ask because I went off to basic the month after HS. I hated it at first. How dare these dumb -a$$es yell at me etc... After a few weeks it dawned on me "oh, that's why we do it that way. Now I get it!" Not too long after that, I found myself inside an M-1 Abrams over in the Sandbox. Every single thing that I resisted during endless weeks of training came back to save my life and lives of my crew on several occassions.
Not too many places around where you can get such good advice for free. If this stuff makes you defensive or provocative, thats good because that means its working and you are starting to recognize what does not work for YOU or your W.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Ten, I used all caps on YOU for a reason. I went back and read a bit more on your sitch. Your wife is not a posession, nor is she an adversary unless you let her be. For now she is not your best buddy or spouse. The only reason you may feel as if she is jerking your chain is becuase you are letting her hold the leash. Go "free range" brother!
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
