Haven't checked in on ya for awhile, glad your having FUN, you sound pretty cheery today, thats good. Its important to keep a positive mindset in the eye of the storm..
Despite all the great advice you've been getting, I can almost assure you that until you really make a headstrong change in your own behavior towards your H, you'll continue to see him keep his distance. You mentioned in a previous post how he feels 'pressured", thats the biggest red flag you can get, you have to stop any and all kinds of pressuring/pursuing, even the slightest bit sets you back, because it reinforces in his mind that you are not "getting" whats happening between the two of you. Rather than letting go, to many of your actions are designed to "try and make something happen" and of course, you don't get any reaction out of him, its not attractive to pursue a person who is pulling away or not sure of what he wants..he'll stonewall you every time. Lets look a little closer..
Quote: He seems to be trying to not get too close to me. I did manage to get to see him this weekend but he made it hard with comments like "whatever you want to do, come over whenever, whatever you do is fine,etc.
See what he's doing?, he's being a little indifferent and less than enthusiastic, non committal, kind of distant..and YOU"RE WORRIED. Now lets suppose that you wised up and started letting go yourself, and started behaving in a similar fashion to what he's been, and turn it up a notch by acting happy, perfectly ok with whatever, not sure what YOU want for a change..Ya think he might get a little curious or nervous JUST LIKE YOU ARE?? Wouldn't it feel better to be in the driver's seat instead of worrying about him distancing??
Quote: It's hard. I'm unsure how to react to H's attempts not to get close to me.Is he just testing me? or is he just using me..
No disrespect, but I'm chuckling to myself as to how clever a WA he really is. You see Cindy, he's doing all the things that have you flustered and not sure, and concerned and the like. If you only had the wherewithall to start employing the same exact mindset towards him as he does you, you might find him pursuing you a little more, which has to happen before you save anything.
Quote: Oh the worse thoughts are in my head, I will just die if he leaves me...
I feel for you Cindy, but I'll be honest, I read that and I see a woman who isn't strong enough or confident enough in herself to really, really do what it takes to draw a WAH back towards her. I don't see where you pose any challenge to him, and I guarantee he sees that as a weakness, its just not attractive, and very very seldom do we commit our hearts to someone who doesn't attract us emotionally. He's probably more bored than anything, he knows what he's got in you and he's maybe looking for more, I'm not sure, but it could be.. Like Michelle says, act like a victim, you'll be a victim, just look at whats happening to your sitch. He's pulling away seemingly without much remorse, and you're trying to hang on, not a good position for you to be in, this close to a court date. I'll prescribe to you yet again what I wish I'd done alot sooner as well.
1)Act like you've let go of the need to have it work out, just let go of it, period. 2) Act and be happy at all times. 3) Act and be confident and mysterious at all times. 4) Stop doing anything that relates to any form of pursuit or pressure IMMEDIATELY. It NEVER works 5) Do not talk about the MC, your M, or the R, unless he brings it up. Treat it like the plague. 6) Act like you are DONE. You're not taking any more of the screaming, belittling, blaming. No more sleeping on any floors or anywhere near him for the time being. 7) Start dating, look what happens when he sees you with another guy. Doesn't have to be serious, but go out with other men and enjoy yourself. He probably won't come back until he sees you're giving up on him and entertaining other possibilities,, 8) Go dark and work on yourself. Don't be too accessible when he calls and starts wondering. Don't change you're approach if he blows steam, just keep consistent. Always act happy and content with your life, whether he's in it or not. Give him every impression that maybe splitting up IS the best thing to do, otherwise it wouldn't be this tough..
If you can do this for the next couple of weeks, perhaps you'll see some positive moves out of him. Its worth a try because right now he has you right where he wants you, he's confident in himself, not worried about the M, if he gets a D, no biggie, he'll be fine. You have to get to where he is at mentally, then you become more than a passing notion to him and less of a doormat to his freedom.
I'm talking tough and I apologize, but the clock is ticking and are you really any better off than you were three weeks back? So, maybe its time to drop all the R books, take a look in the mirror, get strong and live life to the fullest. Thats how you give yourself a chance.
Hope you decide to take matters into your own hands and let it all go..Doesn';t mean you're not hoping things don't turn for you, its just accepting that they may not and you'll be the better for it eventually.
