yes, I'll have to cross that bridge if I get to it...
I guess you missed my sarcasm in pointing out the fact you are letting your W make your choices for you.
DO you want to tell your children that?
No. I truly want to try to work it out with her. When/IF I decide to quit, I'll deal with that. right now, I want to work it out, just have thoughts about down the line.
DO you want to tell yourself that? No, if I leave it'll be my choice at the end of the day.
Does it let you off the hook for making a harder choice? No, no matter what, I'm 50% here, so i cannot play a victim.
So you can blame her for the demise of your M? No, if I'm honest it's 50/50 whatever happens to us.
Originally Posted By: J
I want someone to hold and share both fun times and sad. I want someone I can trust again after having my trust in W shattered.
How about loving her that way? She doesn't want that from me now. I'd love to, but my form of love has to be giving her space unconditionally. Because of my primary LL it's hard as hell! I'll be in that space someday, I believe though.
This is the sad times right now J. So how would you want to be loved if you were having a difficult time? If you were confused? If you were scared?
Unconditional love/ \support would be what I'd want and time to figure it out, which I guess is what's she's asking for from me now. Space.
If you felt so scared you didn't know how to show your W or want to show your W that you care.
I'd want to hold her and just hold her. Don't get the feeling she's there (holding/comfort from me) yet though.
So much that you couldn't even throw her a crumb?
i'd pray for strength.
If you had stumbled and needed forgiveness?
I'd try to show that I was worthy of it though my actions.
Originally Posted By: jlove
I want not to feel this constant pain and anguish that my WAW is causing me right now due to her being "done" with us right now.
Then don't feel that way. It is YOUR choice how to react to her. I am not talking about feelings. Those spontaneous impulses that react to stimulus. We can't control feelings and emotions by their very definition.
To quote a poster who used to be here named Coach:
"The prisons are full of people who acted on their feelings and emotions."
A stronger man controls his.
A man with courage and integrity chooses not based on what someone is doing or not doing to him or for him.
He chooses from his values. from his core of who he chooses to be.
This, my friend is what I pray and hope I can do and be.
So which would you rather your children be witness to?
this
Originally Posted By: J
I want to stick it out, even if it isn't in my best interest right now. that's enough for now.
Why is it NOT in your best interest right now?
It's in my best interest. I'm just not getting any love in return I can measure at this time, but it takes me back to my unconditional love I must give at this time, eh? Because that is the man I want to be.
This is the ultimate opportunity for you. You're best interest is staring you in the face.
How is making a choice to act and choose from your own values not in YOUR best interest?
If you leave this up to her you'll be the victim of HER choice.
What is YOUR choice. No buts. No leaving it to timelines or lack of sex, or a day on the calendar:
And especially not to your confused beloved W.
YOU?
WHAT DO YOU WANT J?
M 43, W 40 T 22. M 14 D 14, S 9, S 8 DD 11/21/11 Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!