Separation, Settlement, or Servellience?

[Yasu]

I saw once again, calls are coming from mortgage company. Left VM, also stated my frustration of not recording check on time, again, and low on funds, no credit, which prevents me from my carrying out my intended plans to go out of town this weekend.

Few hours later, I got some weird instincts, like something is really seriously wrong. I sat on it awhile. But, it kept making me edgy, especially in light of yet another can this month from mortgage company - where there should be plenary of money to pay.

Only problem I can imagine is being overwhelmed by all the paperwork and bills he must have to deal with. Letting the mortgage slip till the 17 is not good. Perhaps there is a grace period I am unaware of.

Anyway, I acted on my instincts. And yes, left another VM, describing this feeling I had that something may be wrong, for him to feel safe to contact me, and to not let pride stand in the way of our 33 years. In other words, the door is open.

I have to stop now. The feeling or instinct was very real - not fantasy. But I have done all that can be done. I just have to get out of town, and get back to that centered detached place I was in. It is so weird, when you have a connected feeling to a loved one - yet you cannot touch them anymore. Unless it's an emergency it's best I do not hear his voice.

Stop and stop and stop and stop. Leaving town in the best medicine!! I need to go finish up on the rental, and bring my supplies home. I have gone to the deep end with the VM. Nothing stupid, just caring. Not unlike my real personality. Gotta go midnight dark again now to re-ignite my detachment. Thank you for reading. Yas