Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY Part 2

[tenbusrider]

I'm not sure how I see this working out. It's clear that in order for us to discuss anything that's happened in the past, we need a neutral third party around. She doesn't believe anything I say, and then she says things happened that I don't remember happening - like signing the separation agreement we had. She says she told me she didn't want to, but I just don't remember that, but I remember that I did I tell her to tell me what she wanted to change in it before we did anything. If she'd said she didn't want to sign it, I wouldn't have said anything more. She also says she did ask me before she moved back in, but this was at a point when we were only texting each other and not talking on the phone. I went back and checked through the history, and could find no question asked at any point, only that she was going to move back in.

I accept and own that I've been manipulative - both overtly and unconsciously. But what can I do about that? I've tried to be honest with her and transparent with her, but when she doesn't believe me, what can I do? For the sake of avoiding arguing and furthering that perception of me, I just don't talk to her unless it's about family things or something otherwise important. Other than that, I just try to keep the place clean.

I accept and own that I've been negative when I should have been supportive, but perception of negativity is subjective with her. If I'm not able to read her mind to know how she's going to react when I do or say something in response to her, anything I say can be turned on me in a second. Again, all I can do is validate, try to be positive and encouraging, but for the most part, just trying to avoid her when she's already in a funk. This is when it's the worst.

I know that most of the problems in our M are from a cycle of interaction. I know that if I change how I act and behave, the cycle HAS to change, but every attempt I make, despite my best efforts, are met with not only disbelief, but attempts on her part to drag me back into the cycle.

I told her last night, when her anger about that text came up again, that I didn't want to talk anymore without someone else around, that I wanted the cycle to end. She agreed, and that was the end of it. It's one of the few moments I've had in the last couple of weeks where I was able to actually change the flow of events.

I really feel that there's someone stirring the pot every time the drama dies down. I think I know who it is. But there's nothing I can do about that.