Seize the Day!

[holdingon]

Cathy!!!
Thank goodness you said you would make it all about H for a while... otherwise, I'd HAVE to hit you! Are you DBing or BDing? (bringing on divorce) Your divorce day is not D-day... stop pressuring yourself and your H by thinking you have to have everything all wonderful by that date. One day at a time! And I don't think you extended the olive branch... you may have stuck it out there, but then you hit him with it!

I said fine I can chill out if you'd just act like you are happy to be with me when we go out and touch me outside the bedroom.

He is telling you what he needs... he needs space. YES, SPACE, the dreaded, ugly word. But he needs some.

I said please I'm so lonely.

I'm thinking this sounds a BIT clingy and needy. What do you think??

Cathy... YOU are the reason your R has gotten this far. You committed to DB and you turned your R around. You met with a MC and he gave you some ideas, and you jumped in full force...

Except your H was overwhelmed. He wasn't ready. It wasn't his time to be fixed yet. He wants to take it slow.

You WANT to fix it, you WANT your M, you WANT the R... believe me, I know. You SEE the light at the end of the tunnel and you want it NOW. Honey, you've become impatient. And impatience is a killer. It is a killer for your PMA and it is a killer for your M/R. You cannot force your H to feel a certain way when he is not capable, YET. You cannot hurry him along. YOU KNOW THIS.

You DO know what to do, you were doing it. Look at what was working, go back and read your thread, it is all there. You have to be completely selfless RIGHT NOW. You have to make it ALL about him RIGHT NOW. Because he is not going to make it about you, Cathy, not yet. But your time will come. You just have to heal the M first.

You can do this. How do I know? I watched you do it before. You had such hope and faith in your R. Then the MC made suggestions and you started pressuring your H. Just enjoy being together for now, let that be enough. No R talks, no testing the water. If he enjoys being with you, enjoys your company, and you his, well, that is a beginning. Your H is not stupid... he will see that as progress and he will stay in the M.

Hang in there!