New trying to DB-Help!

[jlove]

I know, it was dumb, but sometimes the hurt is overwhelming.

There is a reason but and butt sound exactly the same.

BUT is an excuse you give yourself.

as in

I would be the man I want to be BUT[/color]
Yes, I know. I need your sage advice, Truegrit. I'm becoming the man I want to be. I've decided to start a career I've always wanted in IT and am going to school soon to get certified. My W supports this decision, but it's for ME (and my kids) to do what I want in life.

just wish at times WAW would throw me a crumb.

so I can't.

This is about YOU not her.

What if she never throws you a crumb? What if she never wants you back?[color:#FF0000]
Well, I'm prepared to give this my all and wait out her indecision, but when I'm in the place to move on (after school and start of new job) if she's not on board then I leave. That's a ways out though, so the meantime will be tough slogging. I've heard for a month of every year together, so maybe 22 months is a fair timeline. Also, I am a VERY high sexual man, so waiting until I'm 45 to have sex again is something I think about all the time. Have to be honest with myself there, although I refuse to break my marriage vows, just never though of myself as celibate.

Sometimes feels like maybe I should move on, but then, what would that tell my kids?

Tell them what happened. That you would have tried to save your M BUT their mom made you choose to move on.
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yes, I'll have to cross that bridge if I get to it...

What do YOU want J?

[color:#FF0000]
I want someone who loves me for me and wants to be with me and share their life in every aspect. I want someone who loves my children unconditionally too, so if it doesn't work out w/ W, that will be my impediment of starting with someone new if it comes to that. Of course, that will be her issue to, but that wouldn't be my problem then. I want someone to hold and share both fun times and sad. I want someone I can trust again after having my trust in W shattered. I want to travel and have fun again by competing in triathlons around the country/world. I want to live for me for a change and show my kids what that means. I want my kids to respect me when they grow up as a role model (and a positive one at that!) I want not to feel this constant pain and anguish that my WAW is causing me right now due to her being "done" with us right now. It's also a strain on our kids as neither of us is focused enough on them (I know I can only worry about me and I'm trying). I want to try to save this, even though I know I am only responsible for me. I want to stick it out, even if it isn't in my best interest right now. that's enough for now. Thanks TrueGrit!