DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 4)

[bustorama]

Most of you know I have recently made a conscious decision to take back my life, and move forward accepting the reality of my sitch. I am taking steps towards what I feel is the right thing to do no matter how frightening or gut wrenching it is.

It's the right thing to do.

Also, with just a week on this mindset I am seeing how much outrageous BS I put up with.

Yup, it's crazy what the LBS put up with/justify while we are in our own "fog" of desperation.

I'm seeing that she is not being honest with me because despite her gains and self analysis she doesn't have it in her "now" to not be controlled by her demons. And I'm enabling it and doing everyone harm by doing that.

She actually DOES have it in her. This is where many LBS make the mistake of not respecting their WAS and saying she can't act differently because she is in a fog, because she isn't properly medicated, because she is so depressed, because life is too overwhelming for her. While these are all pressures on the WAS, the WAS CAN make different choices. They are not infantile children or demented elderly people that are helpless and have lost their reasoning abilities. Sometimes it seems like that because of the choices and rationalizations that they make. But, they are adults capable of acting differently, and they are more likely to do so if they experience the natural consequences of their choices.

]I'm not killing myself to create this super supportive world of family events and "dates". If I didnt do this not one thing would happen on her initiative. Maybe she will in her own time if that is going to be, and if we are still a family by then. It's all been me. And I don't respect how's she handled the OM sitch. She may say there's been no affair but I don't measure what I've seen by the same standards. In fact I've caught too many lies to feel comfortable. So, when I'm working my a$$ off to keep this road open, be the cheerleader, the Mr everything, I feel this sick feeling in my stomach that I'm selling myself out.

That's you crossing your own boundaries of how you want to be treated in a relationship. Don't cross your own boundaries. If you don't respect yourself, how do you expect your WAS or any other women to respect or value you? I did the same early in my sitch, and it led to the standing joke with my DB peers at the time of me getting mariachis to serenade my W and giving her footrubs, etc.

That's it then. I'm on a mission to rebuild me (like Steve Austin in the old Six Million Dollar Man series)...I have the technology.

Welcome to DB, Six Million Dollar Rick!