KarenR I wish I had the money to do just that. I know he is so confused and it wasn't so long ago that I myself felt that same way. So I am being patient, loving and focusing on me.
I started to blog about my transformation, which is helping me deal with the feelings I have, I am going to a yoga class tonight, which is completely outside of my comfort level. I am counting down the days until I start my school, 9 days!
Last night was a draining night, my husband was just not in a good mood at all. I kept my attitude positive and went into my room to blog and exercise. It is really hard. I know that he is trying and that he too will have his bad days.
I did have a light bulb moment yesterday. One of his complaints was not being able to go out and do things with friends, so now when he does I make sure to busy myself with the kids. Then it occurred to, he got out of prison and put me in. I let him do this of course, because in the month since he has dropped the bomb, I haven't gone out, I haven't been alone without the kids to process my feelings or just step away from the situation. I feel guilty because he will be alone with the kids for the time I am in evening classes. That is exactly what has gotten me to this point in my life. I have always put myself last, because I don't want anyone else to be burdened. Well someone said to me that I need to give him the responsibility, because he would have if we were separated or divorced, so he needs to see that this would be his life without me. Now it does scare me that he will like life without me while I am at school and leave when I am done, but it was also pointed out to me that I need to focus on why he is still at home and didn't leave, because it is a lot easier to walk out, then fix it. I try to remember that.
I give him his space, try and stay positive and loving and remember that if I don't have hope, nothing will work out. It has only been a month and there have been a lot of baby steps to be thankful for.
I am just really exhausted of the feelings, I just hope the new feelings start to replace the pain before too long.
